Tuesday, October 30, 2007

this and that

gawsh...blogger still works!
I'ts 11pm and I'm putting off work thats terribly important because...because...because, this is the logic that prevails in my person at this time of night or (cough)most of the time.
random thoughts floating around in my head...
-i think bobby womack isnt too bad!quite groovy. My friend on the other hand is going to a 'jimmy eat world concert'..
who?!or am I being too narrow minded, I give you permission to try and convince me otherwise.
-what do you do when a friend of yours, says(not in your hearing) that they have no friends?im one of those people who begins doing a mild audit of their relationships just to see how much i've been misperforming and then i feel...saddish. but then again i shouldnt be writing about sad stuff after not blogging for so long ,now should i?
-i baked today!wohooo!I used to bake long time ago and made some really nice cakes, then i got it into my head that I had become chef miss gastronome and so threw out all my recipes and decided to get innovative.
the next three years of my baking history are censored!;)
anyway, so ive been seeing people making loads of money from cake businesses. last weekend i was in london and saw some other baked gadgets!!!salalala!they were to be admired!so today, i felt inspired and decided to bake and im glad to say it worked out.now i have to try something a little harder.
please say you'll buy my cakes even if they suck? after all what is good business about? you know ,building self-esteem and empires and all that....
-feelings can be funny things, and pining over things lost never helped anyone!but it still sucks!
-i want to do something great!hmmm but maybe ive just been watching too much heroes....

Friday, August 17, 2007

hmmm,.....I've been away!
That might even be a mild understatement.

So today, I thought that in the spirit of good manners ,I would write something on my blog,see if I've missed it and also to say hi to you peeps.Yes, all of you there in cyberspace.I'm sure I've missed a lot on some of your blogs.
Now, where to start.heh, so much has happened since I last wrote, top of the list being that immediately after I wrote about 'why I blog', I seemed to lose my desire to do so . So I took a 'break'....went on a pilgrimage ,to find my blog purpose.
Actually no, (cough)I just went on holiday, came home, met a grand total of 2 bloggers ;),celebrated a birthday, had number of new experiences, chekad a whole lot ,among many other things and now.... I'm in Uganda.

All in all, Mungu yu mwema...yay!
So until we meet again....

Friday, May 18, 2007


My bed is falling apart! All its legs are kaput, and it tends to swing from side to side .So when time for bed fikas, its all about finesse.No somersaulting into the bed nowadays…sigh. The landlord knows about these my tribulations lakini he is procrastination incarnate and so won’t do jack until we leave. Plus there are like 50 other things he has to fix in the house, so what’s a bed!Anyway…

So why I blog…ma broda methu , he tag me o’!

Tangent: Have any of you ever used the line…
‘So, (ahem, cough)..what are you wearing ?’
-It’s usually delivered hukooo at some dubious hour of the night, usually on a phone or other technological gadget.

Well, I have been told this line like twice before and I gagged both times, even though it was a pal just trying to wind me up. Anyway apart from it being the wackest line on earth, It cracks me up sana! I mean surely what kind of a question is that. Anyway, even if I answered, a boy would be in for a rude shock, cause the haute couture reigning in my palace is …(drums please, ata those Chinese cymbals)
….an orange sweater, luminous green pants and lilac bedroom sleepers…oh pink socks too. I speak the truth. I’ll bandika the purple headscarf in a few minutes.
Comfort must always come first.
I think sometimes my British housemate really shangaaz.

Anyway, why I blog

1. Why not? plus internet is available and fast, I need to make good use of it. I actually pay £5 a month for unlimited wireless access. Brilliant speeds. But I digress ( or is it brag)

2. Because I like playing with words and I think I could have a good laugh one day when I look back and see some of the nonsense I wrote. Plus I suck at keeping a journal.... Yes, I have failed as a woman.So this is my attempt at trying to get ‘with it’.

3. Mehn!people are interesting! this world of blog has really opened my eyes. Many of your blog’s have been a source of inspiration and have challenged me. You wouldn’t believe what deep and meaningful lessons I encounter when…bla bla bla.
sorry had to stop there, was getting too mushy, but in summary I’m learning stuff and have ‘met’ interesting people. Oh, and I laugh a lot. I love laughing. Some of you are very funny.

4. Aish, I haven’t reached five…urrrm, freedom of speech. I can ramble and dot, and the best bit , I can do it bila direct censure. Anonymity people, the best thing since sliced bread.(Ive never gotten that, sliced bread?!)

5. …clearly I cant think of another reason…so lets put it this way, nos 5 is still under construction.

Goodnight world.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Now look!

I’ve been tagged! Courtesy of egm and so there’s mild excitement in the brain. However, how to go about finding revelations is the question.
Eh let's see...

1. I’m the 6th born in a family of 7 kids, 4 years younger than my bro and 8 years older than my small sis. I still wonder what type of family planning strategy that was. Anywho, I was a cute baby; cheeks were round, skin soft, nywele’s timam, eyes gleaming and full of depth etc, etc! Infact, I dare say that if parents magazine had known of my existence they would have paid me the big bucks!
Obviously I’m still wondering what happened. I bask in the reflection of that former glory.
Do you think I can make money pimpin my baby pictures?

2. I’m not a party-throwing-type of gial! I used to get extremely uncomfortable when I was told to entertain. The thought still fills me with mild panic, but I’m getting better. My social skills must be improving…(hehehe, yeah) So maybe by the time I’m 25, I’ll feel able...and thus throw a small something. A food and drink festival! si that would keep Kenyans busy;)less work for me in the entertaining department.

3. I’ve never been ‘in love’ and generally find myself wondering about this concept.

4. I have an overactive imagination. Overactive! Oh, and have good guessing strategies. As for whether this has been an asset or not, it has helped me in the best of times and set me up for a fall during the worst.

5. I get urges to dance lingala, traditional vibes and ballet, at random, in the midnight hour. And so I do. I get up and do an uncoordinated jig! Then go to bed quite thrilled with myself, stating for like the 10th time. ‘Who knew you could kick that high'. In this vein let me state, I have many secret ambitions.

6. I’m deeply passionate about many things but have been told that it’s hard to tell. Because these passions are so many, I find that my knowledge in any one of them is constrained...I’m trying to change this. Ah, and since we're talking about passions, in the emotional area, I tend to feel deeply and have strong convictions, but by the time they actually fika that 'strong' or conspicuous stage....it’s taken quite a while.

7. I (used to) fear dogs. Now my dad has always had this love affair with the species, in that he would go and buy bones and other doggy paraphernalia for them. There were days I think I resented them canines, here I was being nyimwad something I wanted yet a dog was getting choice bones...I didn’t get it! Anyway, in Freudian terms, that resentment manifested itself in extreme fear of them. I’ve literally scaled walls and roofs as I tried to escape them. Such episodes have only reaffirmed to me that I must have a super power! I must! Anyway, so my dad decided to chuck the fear by force. I was given the task of feeding the beasts. AUUUU! Twas a task. But I live.
You should hear me now when I’m fukuzaing them, gawsh, I sound, like, so commanding! If I do say so myself.

Baaas, we’ve reached 7. Infact I think I've even given bonus info.I tend to ramble. shucks, you see there I go again,sigh, lets make that number 7.5.
Now who to tag. Is there anyone left. If you’ve been tagged already sameheni…kayliz, odegle nyang, majonzi, prou , aizoh,
now I need to go back into hibernation.

Saturday, April 21, 2007


walala!wonders never cease!ive really chekad!talk about dedication. shes made my day!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

what would a kenyan do?(hypothetically)

You’re a mute. One day as you’re minding you’re business, you see a run-away trolley with five people aboard hurtling down a track leading to a cliff. You can see their tiny faces squeezed up against the window. Eyes round, mouths open in silent screams, hands frantically waving, tears streaming....you can smell their fear.
Nooooooo!you say!(or rather you think, remember, youre a mute)
Surprise ,surprise! You’re standing next to a switch that will shunt the trolley onto another track where it will stop safely. Without your intervention these people will soon die, but today of all days, Nairobi City Council felt duty bound to send a one man mission with a packet of cement ,a jembe and a torch to go carry out necessary repairs on the track. This man was now standing on that other track totally engrossed in chimbaing some hole and thinking about how he was going to explain to his wife that he sold another one of their daughters. He had promised not to .And to top it off to a man from another tribe!! But in his defense, this one was rich and was'nt as smelly as the others, and he'd gone to the mganga for some juju-busting fluid that would definitley ward off any bad spirits that might come from the union.
This man will be killed if you throw the switch.
You have 5 seconds..... Watch the trolley go off the cliff or throw the switch?


You’re a street youth(i.e chokora) and a mute and you have'nt had a meal in yonks! Word on the street is that they're dishing out free food at a mission church in town. You get there as quick as you can, enter the line and eagerly lick youre chapped lips in anticipation of the few bits of ugali and sukuma that are about to come youre way.Your stomach cramps as you wait and this time you welcome it, knowing that for a few hours,your gastric juices will be replete. Just when you get to the top of the line a shout rings out!
'chakula imeisha, chakula imeisha, nendeni nyumbani'
In one minute, the mission workers have packed up all the sufurias, stuffed them into boxes, doused the area with dettol and doom and cleaned up all traces of food!(and when I say all I mean all!)The compound is left gleaming! They scurry off leaving you standing there mdomo wazi ,you're heart breaking cause for real, you can't even spot a crumb!Another stomach cramp is descending.
Five minutes or so later, you see the head officer of the mission pack ugali and sukuma into a plastic container, enough to have fed you for two weeks!He looks up and finds you staring, cracks a smile , winks, and then takes a big bite of ugali and squeezes himself into his car. He drives off and you're left there eating his dust.Literally! That sukuma could have been yours.....you see red!
So that evening , before darkness falls and as you're hunting for a place to sleep, you see a trolley hurtling to its doom .i.e towards a cliff.
Note:this time there’s no switch to shunt it to another track.
Instead you’re standing on a bridge over the track. A morbidly obese man is standing there too, a few yards away from you. You suddenly recognize him. It's the ugali stealing,mean winking, sukuma munching fool!the head officer of the mission!unamjua!
The laws of physics operating in that moment state that if you give him a push his body will fall on the track and stop the trolley. You’re too small and so can't stop the trolley on your own, so there’s no point in sacrificing yourself. Theres no other large masses laying about.What do you do? you have like 30seconds or so....

infact which situation would you rather be in?hehehe...
Adapted from carlson.

Friday, April 06, 2007

One flew over the kukus nest...

Now at home the only time I actually encountered a mad man was in a jav on the way to Westlands. As usual since temperatures were huko stifling, I was sitting next to the window ,my blouse flapping in the breeze, my mind far away. So we made a stop and some guy enters , has a mild conversation with the conductor and then sits by me.At this point my mind is still meandering. Just when the daydreams are getting interesting e.g I've unleashed my super powers and…..I feel a nudge. So thinking it’s the conductor I look up about to tell him I already paid. Instead, my eyes gaze into the yellowish orbs of a middle aged guy…hmmm, actually they’re reddish, his eyes that is

Something else draws my attention though….my gaze falls…

So far my brain is computing, a lot of….eh, dirt, mangled hair, remnants of beard, a strange earthy smell wafting its way to my nostrils and something else that’s…that’s… unidentifiable. Something at the back of my brain keeps flashing water closet, but I ignore it. I continue looking, and further record, holes in shorts, no shoes, hairy/spindly legs.... then I look at the hands; long nails…(gulp),and somehow, I don’t know how, the smell intensifies.


Its poo poo!yeuuuukkk! Congealed stuff… all black now!

What causes me to panic is that this guy is now asking me for money…now I was somewhat naive at that point of my life and so instead of being intelligent about all this I think I shrugged and then panicked.

‘what if he has other stuff in his pocket, what if he gets aggressive, what if he grabs me….(oowii,moan, moan)’

I’m not sure what look flashed across my face, but it galvanized the conductor and he came to my rescue!yaaay!

Back to the present, last week I was at the library sitting, reading, thinking, wondering at why such a fine establishment still looked like it was stuck in the 1970’s, smelly carpet an all. My brain was overheating as it tends to do nowadays and I couldn’t help but wish that I was born in another era, where all I had to do was resign myself to washing clothes and baking bread…but that’s a story for another day.

Sigh, I did need to focus and as I looked down at the page once again all I could see was words. They looked pretty! Slippery s’s, erect l’s, staunch o's… HA! I lie! When things are in Times New Roman how exciting can they get surely. Clearly you can see I was pining for a distraction. Anywho, I heard some shuffling and so looked up. A man was joining me at my table. My first thought was that the whole purpose of me sitting at this spot was that I wanted to be alone bucko! Well I guess he didn’t know. He sits and at first everything seems fine. He mutters a few times but I don’t really pay attention. However(said like my std.5 GHC teacher)when he started talking real loud, I did begin to wonder…..

‘power….the yanks rock., what they need to do…..heheheh…hehehe, the sharks, they ate him…cool…heheh, what he doin in the wa-er… POWER! Those terrorists….mumble…fart arse you ‘ave!….making noise like.&^*$*%! mumble mumble…’

Note: he was reading the newspaper and scribbling all sorts of things across pictures and shouting randomly to people who made a little noise…

After all this he removed some food from a paper bag, acting like it was some covert operation and then proceeded to eat the food with enough sound effects to do Frank Miller proud!

So I sat there looking at this man and wondering how life was like for him. If he worried about life, if he dreamed, if he talked with God, how God replied, if he liked ice-cream....
There’s also another lady who I see at our bus stop ,posh British accent, dresses like a man and generally has quite the conversation with herself ,cracking quite a number of racist jokes and laughing at them the way I laugh at my dry jokes.(I really do laugh at my own jokes,its not sad!)
what’s life like for her?

Now, if western societies are anything to go by, we are definitely going to see a rise in psychopathologies and all that in Kenya. Do you think Kenyans are ready? No scratch that…would you be ready?

oh i forgot!MERRY EASTER EVERYONE! think about the good things that happened during this time!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


A pal sent me this today and I really chekad, it was entitled a kuyo baptism!but many of us would do the same thing.ama?
Anyway, last week was interesting, even after my madramas on the bus (yes that was the storo in the last post- i know my sheng is of the...eh, unfamiliar/dodgy breed, lakini I did it all by m'self with the help of some sheng lexicon on google...blame them!)
moving on swiftly...have any of you ever been identity frauded?I may have been, but I'm not sure.

It's sad!money just sprouting legs and walking out of youre account as if its going on holiday! And thats not the end of the story, after youve attempted to find out whats going on i.e investigations have been launched, you've got a prayer committee working round the clock and strategy formulators formualting strategies.... it pulls a houdini and reappears!

What is this surely!

And then youre charged for not having enough money in your account, when in actuality...there should be money in the account!!!!...but its gone on holiday!aki!
For a moment I wondered if I was chiziing kidogo! Is this some sort of normal banking practice that I've never been told about?Well the guy at the bank, made me feel like I was over-reacting which made me so MAD that I could'nt even say anything. When I'm angry I don't make sense,i may have even chucked for him vernacular!so imagine a woman foaming at the mouth,spewing nonsense....in vernacular...heh!ahoy deportation.

I tell you there is some wisdom in keeping money huuukooo under your mattress!patrons of this movement, I salute you.

But as the cartoon says it reminded me that everything that went under belonged to him, so yani I was quite surpised at the calm he gave me, cause things could have gotten thickest!
for now....I don't know... I will brood...or think about bees and things and flowers !

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

bidii wangu!

Nimesare!sijui niseme….ati challenge!enyewe ata kabla nianze wacha ni accept na grace…nimechallengiwa!sugu maze! bantuts...respect bratha.pia nyinyi, farmgal, egm, unyc, kirima..na etc. mnajijua
Methu ulitaka post ya sheng…ebu karibisha hii-huu!kingoso tumehama jo! Heh,leo ni leo, wacha tumiscommunicate!
Wadhii mkinicheka mtaniona. marking schemes nimeziban zote woiye.morale morale!
njaro ni za jana usiku…mission ilikuwa tu ya kuget home!

1930-2330hrs: Heh!nilikuwa kwa mkutano nyingine ambaye ilimada la..late. Lakini walitupa dish kiasi ili tusiboycott!wa wa! Kabla ya kudema nilibounce! Sa nilipotoka hapo yani, nilikuwa nimepanga nimpitie beshte wangu mwingine huko down! Nikammeet ,tukabonga, tukacheka. Nilipocheki saa nikaona lo, saa tano na nusu imefika jo! Ooooowwwi! Ndae za public, yani javs za huku, zinaishanga midnight!sijagitch hii system maze!
anyway, mi sina dinga therefore nilmwambia beshte bye, alafu nilimarktime mpaka bus stop nige…niget bus. Kufika keja si itakuwa kitu shua…

2337hrs : Njeve imeingia jo! Najaribu kujienskwonce kwa jacket!lakini bado tako linasikia baridi!bus naiona huuuko!inakam!

2340: ninaingia ndae!manzi mwingine ako nami huku down, unajua huku ni madoubledeka maze!Kisha msee mwingine anakam downstairs ,na sijui alimshow dere nini lakini alitoka hapo akifyatua maexpletive, kushuta kwa mdomo maze, alafu akarudi juu!msee wa doba alimfuata, huku akiimba jamrock. alikaa mfunny!anyway, nafikiria Dere alifura aliposikia hayo mambo sababu alisimamisha ndae!
ala! nini iko mbaya boss?!sa manzi yule mwingine si ameenda kuwika hapo mbele ati tutakuwa late!huku mi nikifikiria githaa beshte!kwani irori imemada kwa tank?dere anasema ati anawacall wakarao!Wah!ati anataka yule msee atoke bus yake au ahandwe!
Si dame bado anapiga makelele zake.lakini ilihave effect sababu Dere alirudia kuanzisha gari!basss, twende.


2350: chali yule mkauzi si anakam down,eti anataka kushuka!si dere anastop na anafungua madoor!wacha Dere anasema sijui nini, mkauzi naye anatan round na anamtemea dere mate!PPPTTTHU! lo! diambo i say!

2350…na sekundi mbili: mkono juu!makofi kwa hewa!chali anamshushia dere ,Dere naye ngeta ka ashu ivi kwake!nilisorora hayo na conclusion yangu ilikuwa msee labda alikuwa amesmoke mbachu au labda amechizi kiasi maze. Nilipomwona ivi alionekana kama hao wavagabondi ambao wanabeba madaga jo. Nilijazwa na adrenalin mpaka misuli zangu zilipanuka! Sasa naonekana buff ka ….ka, jet li polite!Lakini nilikaa hapo kifrozen, nikingethia tu!macho round ka mbao (yani 20bab) nikitazama action huku nikisweat!!manzi yule mwingine anawapigia 5-O!
‘please, heeelp!alikuja tu...amemweka tu…msipokuja jameni atamfyeka tu’

Ata sijakuambia, bus haikuwa imewekwa breaki!mti mmoja iko hapo mbele...ditch tunaikaribia….. ngware nitaiona kwa dala hii!

2355: pap!chali mwingine mchinese ameenda kumsaidia dere!alikuwa bodii yani!alishika mfala yule mpyenga na kumkanda ka mandazi!omundo alirushiwa nje!
Dame yule mwingine kwa simu -‘no its alright… I think the driver is ok…hes off the bus…’.
Chali yule mchinese -‘im fine, crazy guy that one’
dere naye -‘….silence….grunt…’
tunaendelea na journaye!

0003: Tunafika city centre, kisha najua tu nikufyang speedi ka carl lewis ili nifike bus stop yangu!...natoka hio bus ka bullet..tiap!
Nikuhema tu, bile iko nikusikia kutema tu, moyo indunda ka imewaka tu..
niko unift kiasi, so nilipofika bus stop nilikuwa karibu niblaki!
NOOOO!kitu ya aajabu!Nilikuwa late! jav hio ya last ilikuwa imeiva!hakuna ati route nyingine ya kufika home!salala…sikuwa na credit atakumtumia mwenye taxi ‘please call me’. Sa nilienda tu kusimama kwa barabara huku nikifeel kidogo ka kuro!(ai sijawahi stand kwa street corner nyakati ka hizo jameni) taxi ilikam na nilienda home kusugua nyarere juu ya mambo haya yote!

Je, ingekuwa wewe kwa hiyo bus ungefanyeje, ungejinare?

bwana methu...methinks i have tried

disclaimer:if words are out of context...utado!!!nende uchambue io siri jo!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

colgate is our friend!

It started with a twitch….
Twitch, twitichy-twitch.!
I refused. Yes I did. No way was I going to be derailed into throwing myself on the floor! No way was I going to writhe and wail! I had taken it upon myself to pay full attention today , after all ,this one lecture could be it! This one lecture could be the one thing that got me to greener, if not cleaner pastures. I can see it now, my career growing by leaps and bounds. Yup, that’s me you see getting most prized-wondrous-superlicious employee award. Oscars, Pulitzers, president!!! hahaha ha!
No more 2 bob underwear, no more crackers for breakfast, no homemade deodorant! Ha! Things are looking brighter already.
But it’s all down to me paying attention in class….

Focus! this is the state that I awoke to, and the state in which I would stay. Just..(looking at watch) just…(swallowing waru in throat)… 1 more hour to go.
Twitch , twitichy-twitch……Noooo! Concentration is fleeting, but I must!and so I try a little motivation…. ahem, 'I am here to bow at educations throne! Teach me oh great lecturer! spew forth you’re crumbs of enlightenment! I desire to bask in you’re glow!'
I have been called stubborn before, but this time I'm justified, education I came to get and educated I will be ! Twitch or no twitch.

But then the heat starts creeping up my arm, up my neck , down my thighs, up my hair shaft….ooooowi! I’m a beacon, I’m a beacon!
Hmmmm, but I’m not sure if I’m the only one suffering from some sort of menopausal flash or if the temperature in the room just shot up by 30 degrees. I carry out a mild recon and realize that everyone else seems fine. Sigh…shikilia…45 mins!

The lecture sneaks me a glance. Trying to act as normal as possible, I glare her down .
‘nini!’ says my look of steel.
But my gaze soon atrophies…I feel my spine slacken, my mouth droop, my…wooops, there goes my head…tiiiiiimber!
Straight into my hands it goes. They, my hands, empathetically try to massage that which hurts! I look back at the lecturer, invariably hoping that my stare conveys to her that I do not understand what’s going on! This is not my fault, and I, in all honesty, did not wish to have red eyes and beads of sweat rolling down my face ,in steady cadence I may add.
I know this look is not at all fashionable at the moment neither is it becoming of a lady of my stature. But no, it is not my fault. Perhaps some of that radioactive stuff making its way across England has found its way into my breakfast…but why sneak it into weetabix I ask?
Twitch twitichy twitch…..BOOM!
paralysis…mama, I cant feel my legs!
Actually I could, but at that point the pain was too much! I couldn’t think. The keening began somewhere deep within me.

Still. Still I remained silent, slightly feverish, but silent. The lecturer sent me another glance. Had I the audacity or even the will, I would have stuck my tongue out at her. Instead I gazed at her. This time I’m not sure what my gaze conveyed because she sauntered over, and slapped down a set of transparencies! pap!
I look up at her, ‘what’s this?!woman don’t I look siiick!’ I shout. No scratch that, I scream! eh, albeit inwardly.

‘blaaaaog, doooog wooorrrriteig claaablaaaag’
‘Pardon?’ I say, making sure I accented it just right. You know if you speak ki-african they don’t gitch you.
‘blaaaaag yojjjiiuuuuu neeeekgid tiiunngoooo do..’
I shrug.
She goes away.
All I want is morphine.
I saw her mouth moving, but I say, that woman was speaking another language. English university my foot, aliens all of them. Apparently she said something like ‘discuss and then present’. Yeah right.

Anyway, after I understood what it was she required of me, my brain went into over drive. Then it crashed. The task was relegated to the person sitting by my side while the rest of the lecture passed in a blur with me sitting in the corner of the class, sometimes drooling, sometimes nodding my head to show that I was attempting to follow whatever it was that was going on.
Eons later, the class ended…I bolted! Who knows where that strength came from. All I know is I could picture that lil'bottle/box.I could see the pills, I could taste them. Hold on, they taste terrible, but anywho, I wanted them.
As I crashed into the door of my house, I could feel the adrenalin start to wear off…the pain was back..x191million! My knees gave way….goodness would I make it. A whimper escaped me. I fumbled with the keys, my hands shaking, balancing tears kando.
‘c’mon….c’mon….. C’MON!’
Finally the door swung open…behold! Life awaited me!
‘There it is, there it is’, shouted my synapses! I grabbed hold of the box and opened it….
My heart plummeted all the way to the earth’s core!
What could a girl do.?! I just sat down in the middle of the floor…and as the pain pulsed, waves of it threatening to take me over…my life begin to flash before my eyes. My family, my friends, blogiii……I sat up!
It all came back to me…I had one more box in my cupboard! woohoo!I crawled to the cupboard and threw one of my limbs in.
Tededeng….I lifted the box out! And with something akin to awe, took out a pill(s). Panadol had never looked so fiiinnne!
Sufficiently drugged, I lay down and fell into deep stupor, right there in the middle of my bedroom floor….

I have not had a toothache in the last , heh, probably 10 years, this one did me in! I went to book an appointment but they said it would be in the next two weeks. I plan to drag my junkie self to the dentists ofisi on Monday and beg for mercy!
Colgate is our friend!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I accept pennies for my thoughts...

heh!tonight is a night for thinking...ok, not so much thinking...just kiasi!but i warn you...my mind will be all over the place, payuka here ,payuka there!
firstly, teren teren, my cuzo passed KCSE with colours that were not only flying...they flew in very fast...eh, flying things (jets perhaps).
Rather, in english,he passed!and I'm so proud of him that I feel like I'm likely to burst, if not from the copious amounts of food i've just consumed. Mwariwadavid, don't worry weight loss program is still on track, i'm just full.Anyway, I remember the days he used to fuata me asking me questions i couldn't answer.
note to the reader:i was a child genius as well (i say)...unfortunately things have ingiad hibernation (wail!).
it was funny!you'd just see another short chubby one following his mum everywhere making comments about the lunar systems na nini!meanwhile his mum is pulling out her hair. he cracked the tiredest jokes I'd ever heard, worse then mine,but he was destined for great things!big up guy!...watch out for those women though.
on the other hand I wonder what the next season of life will bring him.

Oh, did I mention, i have become an undercover rebel.more on this when I am able to understand it for myself,but life is sucking at the mo...i am trying to make lemon juice (or was it lemonade!)harrrlelujah!

aaah, i miss passion juice...

Secondly,I don't think forest whittaker should have gotten that oscar...just my opinion.not that the any of the other options made me feel weak in the knees.nani commented about how the movie disturbed him. i concur!

moving on swiftly, people in kbw are interesting.How much do people reveal of themselves? Does anyone ever hesitate before they comment?Is annonymity great?....I am wondering!

ehe, then what else...its funny the way relationships, grow...or stagnate!i.e with friends or otherwise. I used to get quite sad during the stagnation phasess and since I'm a worrier/overthinker/beautiful woman/mini-moaner, (I had to squeeze that one in somewhwere), it would lead me into all sorts of other issues.sigh.
Nowadays, I'm not sure what I feel. do I care less?I think i'm becoming slightly cold on the inside, siberia is acoming...sugu!
I don't think this is a good state of affairs.ah, but I must keep on keeping on. My word must be my bond.Easier said.

I have been doing some reading on the british taxation system and its amazing the way people are , I'm not sure if babied is the right word.I don't think handouts should ever be introduced in Kenya.no, no, no! do you know, that theres a girl I know.She sometimes has issues with her knees, and is thereby entitled to a laptop, loads of cash , a car, even more subsidies to the fees that international students are already subsidising, free internet...among other things.
'but why?' I ask!
I dont know really!
Yet, I have to give them marks for acknowledging the needs of the disabled and terminally ill and the like....I was about to say that in kenya we got bigger problems...but, eh...

Lastly, before I put you to sleep...sin. What makes people think it doesn't exist......

Thursday, February 22, 2007

dutty wine !! Gone wrong!!

someone showed me this today!alalala,at first i was like what is dutty wine? anyway,lemme share , pay attention at arnd 30seconds.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


I'm fed up! I have a cold! Yesterday it took a turn for the worse. Boggling eyes, swimming brain, blocked ears, phlegm, thumping heart (I ruka every time i sneeze) aish! What are those!
So I am taking someone’s advice and doing the whole honey, lemon and tangawizi maneno’s. These things don’t usually work with me but I’m giving it a go. Aki I’ve put enough tangawizi in my concoction to shtua a slug. It’s quite kali.
Anywho, as I vacillated between sweating and shivering my thoughts wandered into interesting waters. But before I go there, please let me just tell you about some of the funny things that happen at my bus stop! never ending soaps I tell you. As I waited for the bus , a woman , dressed to the nines( She would have done wags proud), pitad me in a huff! Hot on her heel’s was a paraplegic, in one of those electric chairs and I kid you not, this chap’s was surprisingly fast. He was busy harassing this woman and apart from a few swear words, she kept her cool.
I wonder though, if she had landed him a few kofi’s, how would it play out in court? hmmm…

Back to my thoughts; there has been some talk of love, or lack thereof, on kbw this week .In fact from what I gather, most of us are kulaing drought. Hakuna kisima mbeleni hata kimoja! We cannot seem to see any eligible anyone in the near future. I’m sure there are those of you who are happily encumbered though and I’m happy for you, but all this talk made me remember those random boys who used to confuse me. Sometimes being a chic...

My first crush was when I was like 4. Yes, you read that right.
My brothers friend was my knight in shin...
no, actually he was in dirty clothes, with that little-boy-smell to top it off but there was just something about him. So I followed my bro and co. everywhere! And they really tried to fukuza me. They deserve an award for their effort, but clearly, I would not be deterred .
this must be evidence of my feisty persona in another life (I wish).
When that failed they resorted to running. I’m sure there was some psychological damage that went down in there somewhere…
Shoot! My pudgy legs just couldn’t keep up . tisk!
I’m proud to say though, that he (my brother or the crush) had no indication of my feelings. I tend to be a pro at hiding these things.

Moving along swiftly, I grew up. Crushes lost their hold on my life. They became one hit wonders. or so i thought...
Then came the big one! Ayayai. It took me totally by surprise.
Yap, he was quite the jaama.as evidenced by the flocks of women who were ready to propose. At first I asked God why?! ‘Why have you chosen this guy , this one , to disturb my head’. I was not amused!
I then decided that as long as I kept my distance it would be all good. Nothing doing! Nice guys like talking to everybody. Every time he approached me I would mentally collapse! lo! so I learnt how to actively avoid him.
Well,one day, he approached me. My best laid plans were foiled.
I was cornered.To put it in the words of an author I like 'I felt like a little mouse with no hole' .I had to either squeak a response or faint. So I fainted.

Hehehe, just kidding.
I squeaked.
Made some inane comment and bounced. I now realize that some parts of my brain were working because I knew what the look on his face meant; ‘nini ,mbaya na huyu msichana’
Ah, I can laugh now, but it wasn’t funny then. After a few months I realized that I wasn’t chewing fever every time he was around. I’m sure the next time I see him talking will be easy kama mandizi…or will I arrive home only to start squeaking again?

Monday, February 12, 2007

is it all useless?

i wanted to write a post, but didnt at the same time! sijui paradox!clearly....
Last week was busy, which in my books, is usually a good thing. I can't remember what i did on monday,oh, i wrote my first...eh, article(or something). Tuesday I had free lunch at some random meeting that was not a complete waste of time because I got free lunch.
Wednesday I realised that I'm overcoming some of my hurdles. I'm beginning to form relationships with peeps here, and for me thats been a big thing. Still got a long way to go.
Thursday, I fought in the snow for a better part of the day, actually wacked a few lecturers!pap!.. I changed my socks three times that day.I've never done that before. Then went for a birthday party, all you can eat chinese, I ate too much and met a guy who has good lingala moves.Obviously with my stomach being that full they're was no way I was going to be showing him anything.Ive also never been that cold before, i shivered all the way into friday.
Friday, friends slept over. at about 4am, I checked my email and thats where joy got threatened.
My grandad died on friday. his birthday was on saturday . I'm the one who more or less broke the news to my mum.I don't know. I knew him, but then again,not at all. so I wasnt even sure what I should have felt.I am sad but I think I grieved because my mother was grieving ,because my aunties and uncles were.

Babu(thats what we call him) worked all his life. Throughout.
It was funny cause even after he retired , he refused to stop. it obviously infuriated my grandma, when he insisted on ironing everything in the house.on other days, he would just walk, i couldnt believe it! from pangani to westlands to langata to....yup. and this when he was in his 70's.
'work work, work' that was his mantra. no meeting would go by when he wouldnt chuck those vibes. other memories include the kibokos he would keep around the digz,he was tall and the only one who could reach them at the time. but heh, he could chapa us!
gladly, I escaped the punishments because I was one of those clueless kids. lakini my cuzo's,hehe, it was funny!
I wish I knew him better, so that...I dont know, I could grieve him more?
I pray that my loving others will not be based on my knowledge of them. he was a good man, he worked for his family and he was dearly loved. God thank you for his life.
Lord I don't know if some of these things will ever make sense though.

Friday, February 02, 2007

as the clock struck midnight...

i heard that a man is trying to swim the length of the amazon!wololo! his logic that if he can swim the river then palistinians and israelis can live in peace. ha!if only things were that 'easy'. do you think he'll make it?
its funny, but I also want to go swimming but in chlorinated water. Give my heart some lovin. its been a while,maybe 2plus years. i used to love swimming then it all changed...
it all began in std. 6. i matured early, physically that is. anyway, having been in a girls school, i wasn't too bothered about it. sadly, the school I was in was one of those that had high KCPE failure rates, so a quick switch later and I found myself in another school. it was mixed i.e boys and girls. my life has never been the same again.
(note: at this point i still loved swimming.)
so on my first day at my new school, i walk in and hear whispers, mumblings, beady eyes darting about...aki young boys are not innocent!my new sweater was fitting and you jua school outfitters sweaters when theyre new and have enough starch to put all potatoes to shame..anyway, to cut a long story short, from then i wore buggy sweaters and hardly ever removed my sweater throughout the rest of primary and high school. (hand flying to forhead)twas sad!
oh, i forgot about the swimming, I tried swimming in a tisho, but that was just cumbersome. so i tried other tactics...loiter,loiter around the pool, in the blink of an eye, youve whipped off the towel and youre flying through the air still struggling out of youre tisho. splash! you land in the water. swish! youre tisho lands on the side of the pool.woo!lakini once the adrenalin from youre theatrics has worn off you think there's any energy left to tred water! and then wacha when time comes to get out! and you thought youve seen action movies!
so syke for swimming slowly dwindled...i'm makng a come back
haha, aki its funny the way swimming costumes tend to go for lunch (wedgies)

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

cheapest thrills!

I'm pretty reserved and kinda shy i.e before i get comfortable with a situation or a person(s). but everytime i venture out of my comfort zone, i seem to attract some other funny people!what is it?!
i'm thinking maybe i should stop smiling ovyo,maybe stoneface is the way to go. but that wont work considering the way i cheka at everything, especially my own jokes or at random things!
this is sad!my first experience was with another scary kenyan, wah!he told me his wife had locked him out and therefore could he come crash at mine.
even though its kosaing lines!
i was amazed. after that i knew not to give out my number to people who appeared sane. then I meet this other greek dude at work.ala, he seems nice. he's oldish so i'm not even thinking that he has potential to be a stalker type. plus he's pretty flirtatious with everyone and everyone seems to love him. so when he asks for my number, i give it to him, he was meant to give me directions to another restaurant.
oh no, today i receive 3 texts ' i miss you sweet!', 'i want to see you! kiss'etc
ai!what are those!kisha even though he doesnt speak english properly isnt this taking flirtation to far?
a friend of mine told me that hes proabably still flirting...seeing as i suck in the flirting department, im not sure how to read that. but as usual i will be wary!better to be safe.kisha when i see him at work i'll have a kijiti at hand!i need to stop finding myself in these situations.but how do you dodge when someone dodgy asks you for youre number?time to start being blunt...

Friday, January 26, 2007

I was told no!

hmmm, my post title sounds as if I'm talking about romantic drama.
nope.I'm not brave like that, ati asking a jamaa out!Hakuna!
Anywho,I laughed when a friend of mine told me that she has a file for all her rejection letters i.e failed job applications and I remember thinking woiye, aki this friend of mine is special. Litttle did I know I was about to fungua my own personal kituo cha barua za marejects!(i know my kiswahili is dodgy, its genetic)
lo, lo, lo, I have received rejection letters mpaka its funny.
(si I said it was funny)
Got one more today.I'm sure by the time I return home i'll be so hardened to this sting of failure(I hope) that people will think I'm on something ...cocaine, miti shamba things, barbiturates , name it!
oh, did I tell you the way I'm now a statistic...and by that I dont mean that I'm pregnant!kichwa yako iko wapi! I'm just another kenyan doing menial jobs in a foreign country. I've washed dishes until my hands have turned a lighter shade of brown. wooo!enyewe you should see me working those pots. mpaka another greek dude kept winking at me!I almost labeled him 'stalker#2' but he's actually a nice dude. but I'm going off topic, back to story's of rejection. Today I'm happy. I thank God for school, it keeps me busy and gives me other stuff to focus on. other stuff to 'worry' about. 'It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect' Pslms 18:32. Nuff said. time for me to go and daydream in my bed, our landlord gave us new mattresses.

Monday, January 22, 2007

u-pepo mbaya!

how does one induce flatulence?
I'm sorry if the question seems rude.
I'm also sorry that bowel movements have featured quite prominently on my blog this last month.but I ate some cheese and its made me all bloated.
alas! the one time that i unashamedley want to inflict grief on the world with my beefs...they won't chuck.by the way, no matter what anyone tells you, mine smell like roses, I don't know why yours don't and for those of you who know me, eh,....I hope my rep remains intact. but i'm just trying to be real.
being real is this months motto.
anyway, c'est la vie!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

I watched it. Didn't expect much.
However(said like my std.5 GHC teacher)...
APOCAPLYPTO!(te-de-deng) was wonderous!.... in an understated kinda way.
Simple story. Nicely put.
The brits sitting infront of me must have really wondered if 'oooowi' roughly translated into 'hes dodged another one', cause no matter how hard I tried to shikilia... I just had to sypmathise with that jaguar paw chap.
aah, twas a nice movie. I really want to find a forest to run around in now!If you see a random chic zippin past you in the street...yep, thats me!don't mess just make way!
hmm, tangent- you know exercise nowadays is boring!Imagine how much more fun it would be if our lives depended on it(if you think deeply, you'll see the pun was intended) i.e if our survival depended on our fitness; how fast we could dodge arrows or catch some random wild animals for food...we would be fit!very buff!
so let me rephrase my statement...one day you will see some random wild animals hurtling past you.In their wake,will be ms.nyarshady, jumping over mtaro's ,swinging off things, dodging other things, her gaze fixed determinately on their retreating backs and bums . Following her will be flint sky the meanest savage of all savages, heathen kabisa!looks even meaner then those chaps in apocalypto.
We'll all be running towards a forest...maybe karura, if its still exists by the time I return home, and in that forest we'll all live happily ever after,chasing each other, chewing mad adrenalin.... and generally living a very exciting life.'

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I don't think we give kids enough credit.I think they're just amazing!
Today I heard a childs definition of the climate chnage agenda....

'its when we've got holes and we've got no more space to put them in'...
she's bright!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

that gets my vote!

you know what!?if I could, I would vote toilets the most intimate place on this earth i.e apart from the womb!
surely you must agree with me pwana!
i think, i daydream , i do a whole lot of praying, scheming , strategising, even crying once in a while, i hide, i sing, ...eh,oh! sijui gastric cleansing and good books just go! lakini kweli, the toilet is the joint!im sure if we didnt have to sit, you know, we would even dance in there!
ama do these things only happen to me...haya!if they do forget i worte this post...si i said forget i wrote this post!so why are you still reading?!ha!if you are then i guess we're kinda into the same things yurr!
on that note, i know im not yet ready to get married. dont know what i'd say if my husi wanted to come in when i'm , eh, preoccupied.oh goodness!t'would be too much!but then again are people ever ready for these things?

look what I found!
would you feel right using tissue paper with anyones face on it?!weird!theyre selling this ti-ssue for like $9.aish!youd really have to hate him to spend that money on karatasi ya choo!

Friday, January 12, 2007


God is good!thought I had set my alarm for around 6ish. i needed to be fully alert at that time so that i could read for an exam that i hadn't really been able to prepare for. so at some point in the night, im turning over,(roll, roll) and in my subconscious,i'm contemplating checking the time. you know just to see how many more hours i had till six, you know so that i enjoy them vizuri!wah! twas time!isn't God good!if i hadnt woken up...things would have been even thicker!
then most importantly!i am contemplating career change!this for my information, is just more evidence of his goodness!ive been severely confused the last couple of months! was at a crossroads where the signs were pointing in funny directions e.g 'nende southwest kuliaside'. ok, thats me doting. but on a more serious note, things weren't discernible. so today i gathered a few epiphanies! (ha!knowing me ebu i chill to see if its an epiphany for real) but God is good, now time for hard work and more faith!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Random thoughts for d day!

-I went and bought myself a pick.Now i'm wondering what motivated me. if i'm having problems plaing guitar with my fingers, how much more do i think i''ll do with a random gadget in the way. anyway , this just reminds me of another song we used to sing in assembly,' Caaaarage braaatha do not stumbol, though thy path...' we sang it badly!
-there was a man on the bus, probably mid-fifties, dressed all normal.What made him interesting is that he had tied a very interesting scarf around his head. one of those scarves my granny would wear. He had tied it exactly the same way too!i chekad! twas interesting to look at. the world is very interesting!I wonder what he was thinking when he decided to put it on...people must bethinking the same thing when they look at my nywele..i look like ive put on a hat!
haya, since I'm on the topic of grandmothers. do you know that the older you get , the less likely you're given name will be used . This is interesting!by the time youre like 60 half of the population you interact will be calling you odd nicknames , mama, baba, cucu, babu...etc. So ebu dont blame me when I write mama X, on my nursing home application form.

-I'm struggling with the phrase 'you have potential' , i think it would be nice if people held up blaring sign posts pointing you towards it.potential!pa!
-i think i should do a mini study on this next random thought- if you're planning to come to the UK , look for a place with fewer nyeudhis. Expectations will be lower and you'll be more likely to get the job of your (lesser)dreams. only downside is that you might be fired for singing random freedom songs in the foyer protesting over some mighty glass ceilings!
-the house I live in, moans and groans as if its in labour...or constipated!thats african imagery for you.

Monday, January 08, 2007

of career aspirations...

Today I'm seriously contemplating becoming a house help. It just seems like a simpler route to take, in terms of a career. Why? Given aaaaall my experience, why would I fall short?! I believe I've been involved in domestics since I popped! It didn’t matter whether I was creating the mess or cleaning the mess…I was involved!
Not that I minded so much. We used to be given mapennies when we did housework. Not that that continued and anyway, what are you going to do with 20cents nowadays.
It's funny the way tasks would be meted out and the way they moved from easy to hard… ‘Mami, get me some water/my slippers/ look for my spectacles’…to….. ‘what are you cooking today, oh no! The dogs have messed up the veranda again (pointed look), washing clothes…’.
Heh! It was funny! My mum started us on socks after the housi nearly quit over the state of our socks a. after we bonded with the hockey pitch and b. on rainy days. That means that throughout the year,whatever the season, our socks could not be salvaged.

Anywho,So you see my Cv could detail all types of domestic experience. In terms of skills and competencies, men, even those I could jaza bila shida…
-diplomacy and negotiation- whose going to get the last piece of kuku..
-manipulation- I’m going to get the last chapo!
-discipline-hehe, cause you were disciplined!
...and many other skills that got you out of being chapwad e.g. tears ,
-perseverance-when the tears and excuses didn’t work.
-attention to detail -that kitchen had to be cleaned to very high standards, especially after we’d had like a thou guests.
-diligence -when you and you’re bro are told to tafuta kijiti's for each other!

Ya, so I think I would make a good house help. Plus with a university education don’t you think I could market myself as the next big thing in the domestic industry. Don’t you think this would be a good platform to exhibit my strategic planning, resources management …etc
Sigh, write now those career waters seem incredibly murky! I don’t get it! Why is attainment so elusive! It’s really hard! Never has defining purpose and then sticking to it seemed so mystical. Its a challenge, and in the end , I think it’s just faith that will get me there. God has to see me through.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

'Report says Britain's rat population is growing at an alarming rate.'
I'm really trying to learn how to like this country yet such headlines give me cheap thrills!
i couldn't help but think 'kula hiyo!'
not good.i must up my effort. i can't help but wonder if i'll always feel this sense of 'seperatedness'!its sad!