Saturday, December 30, 2006
AI?! sometimes i dont understand people; all that money, all that energy, the risk of death...how has that act benefited anyone, perhaps, apart from her record breaking self?what would you tell youre child if he/she came up to you to tell you...
'ma, i do d'clare that i'm going to the north pole t'day,uhuh! with a par a skis and some suppliz. we gotsta be fandin out what the ambience is lak aout therre!'
anyway, more on news-Saadam is being executed!im a bit torn. this seems like some dodgy business. that aside, i wonder whose trembling in their boots/ngomas/sandak at the thought of once tyrannical rulers becoming fallible.
-i found this cartoon funny;attach the name of whichever country you please
Thursday, December 28, 2006
now to make them round kabisa!
Monday, December 25, 2006
my father tried to wipe the glee off his face..but unfortunately ended up looking intensely constipated. the wiry solicitor, believeing this to be a show of a manly grief handed my father the letter and hastily made his exit.
his curiosity tweaked, my father slowly lifted the flap....
it was a letter from Mr.J!
'my dear...ummm... servant,
I do conclude that if you are reading this ..then i must be dead.did my wife kill me?
anyway,in return for your years of service i bequith you my prized possessions.my life's joy. note that i speak in plural my dear boy.
fast forward. a few weeks later......
my fathers gaze fell upon three and a half insidious looking mammals. forever the optimist, he walked towards them, slowly crouching to look the sorriest one in the eye (the half goat) it was a deep, intense look.all of life and its mysteries seemed to be in that one look! this appraisal was interuupted though , by something flapping about to his left...a note!it was attached to one of the goats collars.
with shaking hands, my father unfurled the peice of smelly paper, his heart now moving from his boots to somewhere around his diaphragm...
'i present to you mandy, boo, jethro and o.b....
a sob escaped my fathers lips. then a smirk. then a full bellied roar of a laugh. wiping tears from his eyes he walked slowly back into his domain, his small hut.
and it is with these three and a half very malnourished goats that my father made his millions making Goat cheese in the heart of southern nyanza."
ITS MERRY CHRISTMAS DAY!yep!
im throwing a bash! a huge one!but its card only!and all my imaginary friends had the grace to come...sniff..and each of them with a present and a big hug!awww, the beauty of friendship...
anyway, their appearance inspired me to write something. hence my first short story of no maana. hope you all have a blessed day, God be with you!
Friday, December 22, 2006
'my heart was breaking'
thought was on my own
'soul was aching'
tears covered me
'weeping through the whole night'
and i need some relief
'joy comes in the morning'
i've been searching for
'many years now'
the keys to life's door
'i need to know how'
brought to my knees
'saviour can you help me'
and was led to believe
'a failure i was to be'
His love showed me love said not so
even with the odds against me
love showed me love said not so
keep on holding on
love showed me love said not so.....
Sunday, December 10, 2006
i read this article, but its not what it said that made me go oowi!but the comments it generated.so,do super powers and their ilk really have any obligation to us? i know there are sijui how many arguments, be it from slave trade to arms trade and to them being the prime suspects in causing the climatic changes that are upon us!
talk about weather thats beginning to PMS.
however...(said like the primo GHC teacher) we are as much to blame, dont you think? especially if we want to boast about how africans are not stupid! infact ebu i mis-apply a metaphor....it takes two to tango! or three or four or whatever....talk about an interesting tango!but politics on the macro scale attests to the complexity of that tango! haya, i was going off on a tangent.anywho, these comments are the ones that made me want to say...'wacha!'
(this chic i believe must be smoking terere or something!ati arm the women!)
'One thing has become very clear ... the money must go the women who use it constructively and do not squander it as we know the men have done. To rebuild communities the women need to be well armed, and militia trained in order to ward off the destructive men. They will only be rid of these dreadfully destructive wars when they finally get rid of patriarchy, it's killing them all with its greed, its 'need' for instant gratification, and its violence.
Arm the women not just with pots and pans, but with guns and strategies for any defence they may need to maintain their authority. With these determined women in charge all the communities will begin the thrive. ...'
'"As usual, Africans are dying because the greedy bastards in The City or Wall Street or Paris won't think twice about funding private armies to grab African resources."
Africans are dying because other Africans make a conscious choice to do so. I feel no guilt about Africa, and feel no compunction to give my hard earned money to African charity. the only soution to the problems of Africa are for the Africans to work out their own solutions. We cannot solve them with charity, or armed intervention. '
ya tatu!-i chekad
'One of the most effective immediate ways of controlling the killing and hideous forms of rape (vs. date rape) in Darfur, would be for whites to take their tents and set up camp there. ...'
ya nne"-ati erase tribal lines!yep just like that!
'I have to laugh on several articles here you guysare flogging the US/UK for being involved in Iraq then call for US/UK intervention here. Personnally I say let us erase all these false borders that were drawn up during the colonial times and let the local folks decide what state/tribe they live in. In the past tribal affiliations had no bearing as to how the lines were drawn and now you have tribal warfare rading across all these so called borders. I don't think this would stop the fighting it would just make it easier for all involved to identify who is fighting who and which tribe to support or not support.'
anyway, moving on swiftly to some random things ive been thinking about...
-theres a mini territorial war going on in my digz. mostly sprouting from the fact that from misunderstanding stems miscommunication, stems misappropriation and other sillinesses. ai!one of my roomates just fills me with amazement, sometimes this amazement makes me feel like throwing something out the window, but its amazement nonetheless.some of these things, in the vast scheme of life ,would seem very petty. but i tell you,when you find youre mkate always being stuffed into mouldy cupboards or dusty joints in the kitchen...among other things!heh!you do wonder. ive caught dysentry once! i dont need to be catching random mutations of britto diseases! we've already had one meeting!i dont like confrontation...sigh. and the thing is she is a nice person.
-i was being told there was a tornado in london...what would i do if a tornado fikad here considering im like 2hours away from london!aki you should me chuking mortal kombat moves with my faithful umbrella every time upepo blasts me.
-now how often should miro hair be washed?pong notwithstanding.
-Moab! in the book of Jeremiah (around ch.48)God punishes these peeps because of their haughtiness, their pride, because of their trust, not in him, but in their deeds and riches.they have a good thing going but alas, they mess it up!and i cant say why, but this made me want to pray forKenya. i thought about the so called 'african pride' and realized that is has facets of good and evil. majorty have discarded the good.i thought about yuppiedom and the way in which it embraces artifice.i thought about the materialism thats overtaking much of kenya. When kids are taught directly and indirectly that success is defined by what they have which seems rational considering the prevailing socio-political-economic climate. but how many people teach their kids, neices,nephews how to love, give, serve or do it themselves?its not that much of a wonder then why many africans are still stuck in a never-ending rut!
then i thought about the way things can get thick!!!and im sure youve heard this cliche lakini be sure of it that moab wasnt the first and its not gonna be the last!
and i part with thesewords....it only be God who can be helpin us nah!cha!(sound effects) we all neeed t' be gettin our focus right and nat be messing about wit d wrong tings man!money aint gona get ya noo-where!and neither are dese wordly tings nah!bless!one luv!
Monday, December 04, 2006
how are you?
ive never asked that question on a blog before...but it is good to ask dont you think?
anyway!i really wanted to write a shairi about what im about to describe, but clearly acing my KCPE swa exams ...eh did not equip me for such a task!which is sad, because after all those beatings...sniff!we were really beaten! the implement of choice was a rod called something black. i was lucky to have escaped it only to be handwad by the math TA and a black board ruler that had no name!
however, the pont is after those beatings,i should be rendering sweet shairis with the best of them. but alas!
moving on swiflty, i was walking towards the bus stop. it had been a long day and the whole concept of days becoming shorter and colder and darker earlier...had wearied my soul.
so there i am walking, walking, daydreaming, walking, and then i look up and lo!ehe!this was a ghafula bin vu moment (for those of you who aced swa like me)
i had found myself in a mini-cop scene!wow!how exciting!
please note:if i was back home i would have kept myself at a safe distance where i could either run or jump into a jav or shop or something ,if anything were to go wrong. but i just kept walking! the whole idea of drama i believe, tugs at some primitve thing in every kenyans heart.
but im not reckless.i knew i was more or less safe cause there were just 3 cops. and here the way ive seen it, theres some sort of hierarchy of alarm when dealing with cops.
- theres the cops who walk around, usually with a walki talki, bright reflector vests and maybe a flashlight...or 2. havent seen any of them with rungus though. these are the regulars. i generally feel nothing for these ones.
- then theres the cops on the piki-pikis, i hardly see them but if i did, i would probabaly be a bit more careful!
- and then therees the big guns!the ones with the cars. there the ones who piga kelele all over the city zooming from one neighbourood to the other.aki someitmes i wonder if they really do jobo.lakini considering the way gangs can be silly here...
and another problem with the folk here is that people think themselves too polite to be curious! the joy of being kenyan is that youll always get the storo!or some version of it!
this didnt look like it was about to happen.
so the whole vibe ended there. bila flair!i was quite dissapointed!they just picked up the guy, who was still eating his sandwich and whisked him away.
imagine how entertaining(human rights issues aside) 3 kenyan cops/watchmen would have been!
sigh.at that moment the entire population of the city i lived in seemed irredeemably dull!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Frederick Buechner-Telling Secrets
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
ive come across different opinions e.g
- the kenyan music industry is trying too hard to ape industries in other parts of the world without considering the market in which they want to sell their music
- kenya has much talent but quality control ,in terms of good production, good training , good equipment , good service etc is lacking
- the kenyan music scene is filled with cliques!now in most cases you need these cliques to establish yourselffirmly, however, (said like those teachers in primo) these cliques seem mildly impenetrable. catch 22!
- kenyans need to spend more time perfecting and learning more about their art.theres a lot of authentic stuff out there , be it DO misiani , katitu boys or some random orutu player jamming o the sidewalk.we have loads of traditional stuff to draw from .but we ignore it. kenyans are becoming culturally emaciated.
- anyone can love music but few are willing to work at it or develop as artists.
- kapuka this kapuka nini!what kind of music is that.bila substance.
- musicians in kenya need to learn how to take it one step at a time. thers no way we'll become the best over night.it takes much investment that most musicians are not willing to undertake.
and so on and so forth!yurr!theres much to be said. i love music. really . so ebu stop pirating kenyan music! even when you think its wack but you just like that one song on the album. dont hate aimlessly but support! support! support! support the artisits around you. dont criticise out of a vacuum!you may have no idea what youre talking about or what it takes .criticise constructively .
AND dont forget youre culture!HEH! people forget the richness that our cultures add to life. and im not giving you a license to be uncouth! take the good aspects of youre culture and roll with them. and usisahau God comes first. sometimes i cant imagine what music in heaven will be like. hes the ultimate composer. knows where a harmony will touch your soul mpaka you only be able to say wahlalalala!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
this was in reference to someone who was not completely legit in the head after he returned home.and he hadnt done drugs or any other nasties!
so i worried, worried that my rosy plans/dreams for the future would be tarnished by an unsound mind.
so...im walking down the corridor and some dude in front of me keeps on sneaking glances.
the story is in the glance.
im a lone black female, dressed somewhat ethnicly, seeemingly going into all the corridors that this caucasian fellow is entering.
note to you dear reader: we lie at opposite ends of the BMI index. plus yani, since i hail from the mother continent,yurr! i must have some sort of killer instincts or survival tactics....or whatever!
so yani im sure its not something that i have to break down to you ,dear einsteins, but i think he thought i was following him!
but i say!i was not!
we just happened to be going in the same direction.
i plead the fifth amendment!(haya, in kenya we would plead what....ebu think about it)
so we're at like glance number five....(this is where i begin questioning the health of my mental apparatus)....
at glance number five the following goes through my mind....
'tada...tada....tada,tada,tadatadatadatada......ching ching ching!
yep, im following you bloke!
should i be sad about these eh, mental activities?
woi, for real, maybe being abroad, especially in the states, the uk, europe...maybe it does do something to the kichwa.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
i like this feeling!
if i could...(well i can, its just that i dont feel like learning how now!it would spoil the feeling) i would play some for y'all!yes sireeee i would!
im dancing!ehe!at mid-night!instead of doing work that im meant to be doing...walalala!
listening to some masekela, sipho gumede, allou april...some rhumba nostalgia as well etc.heh, its nice......
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
life is short. pitifully and sometimes painfully so and this has been greatly emphasised lately for me.
i feel like yelling GO FOR IT!lakini i must first expplain from which well these sentiments of mine are being drawn from.
there are those who take risks...and those who dont...ahem,cough like me.there are those who remain committed to their vision, committed to a cause.....and stick with it. and we have examples all around us. people who decided they would stick it out and raise you until you were out of them nappies and ready to try and address the world and all its issues!not considering that you might have been an investment that would make zero returns!there are others who said they wanted to see the youth empowered, ebu imagine the reach that starehe boys has now!..and so on
we are all alive lakini to be kidogo cliche, how many of us are passionate about living!what drives us?who are we working for?who do we serve?
note:life without God is useless, but anyway,
theres a company started by some young guys i know. they're trying to make a difference with all they can, in what was at first termed very unconventional means. but with God anything is possible!everything is possible!
chek out the site:www.bikes-kaishakenya.com
for all y'all responsible,level headed drivers out there who are tired of traffic jams!werokamu!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
will someone please explain to me ;
whats it with this neo-soul spoken word business?!i mean i like most of the music that falls into that genre however dont you think there are a number of things about that whole culture that leans towards(to use a a pals phrase) being extremely pseudo!i repeat P.S.E.U.D.O!
and then a number of kenyans have decided to embrace this movement.....?????????? i repeat
its like the only poetry that the youth now know will have to be liberally littered with references and phrases such us hips, goddesses, soul, spirit, as i walked on by, (sumthing )in my eye and...the list goes on!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
"i went home to africa..."
(or something like that)
im saying that as if i landed jusi! well....erm.... ive actually been here for like a month and lo! its been real!its been good!...its been adventure!...its been many things! WAH! i have this vivid catalogue of moments in my mind that i cant even start to detail!from mad adrenalin rushes after javing, then ive anzad ironing my clothes because i became kidogo paranoid!some insect with issues might have layed eggs in my clothes! and...i dont know if any of you guys have watched another horror from the 1980s called the black widow spider!men doom would have only given that dudu motishas!
then theres the wars that i must fight every time i want to catch a jav! aish! then theres the comedy thats called our ministers...they aim to furahisha!sijui service!
needles to say, its good being home!the UK pales in comparison...kabissa!au sio?!
oh, i havent blogged for like 3 months....well,ooops
Monday, April 24, 2006
Thursday, April 13, 2006
i'm starting to feel kidogo warm.
this weather confuses me!
i spot a solitary goose.
hah! what happens if it attacks me!....
a young kenyan woman was today mauled by a bird with issues....
then i spot a tree...oh wow!it was like a slice of japan, 'plop!'had landed smack dab in the middle of campus...i wanted to hug that tree...it and its fine cherry blossoms!
doesnt this squirell look happy!
Anyway, Its been an interesting few days! Somehow I’ve been able to catch quite a few movies without spending mob cash !yei!so in the last week or so I’ve watched inside man, the phantoms opera, a bit of ladder 49, miss congeniality 2, she’s the man, princess diaries , Mansfield park, and now i'm off to watch usual suspects and sleepers! heh, talk about a mix!
I need to lay off the girly movies ,cause those things ! the serious ones like Mansfield park, can give you a mad complex!other ones like shes the man….are just bila impact!Hence, im toughening up with a good dose of the Mafioso type-esque movies (usual suspects et al.) and now im in the process of reading the constant gardener( seeing as I haven't watched the movie) As usual I’m considerably thrilled to let my mind wander! i think my imagination is too active !after spending time with movies or books its just ripe! ripe with ...adventure!Sedatives were made for such a time as this!
Now, on the regular, I’m pretty oblivious as to the activities that may be occurring in the corridors of the higher echelons of the political elite (ai,that sentence i'm doubting its gramatically correct) you know; the cunning, the extended ruses ,dark affiliations , mental sewers, amoral deportments, the mind games, manipulations, deceit, espionage and the general evil ambience of most political landscapes. I could call it naiveté but at the same time I’m aware that for me, ignorance is high bliss! So here I am reading constant gardener and thinking/daydreaming polite!
I think of the Armenians, and then think of the shady deals that must be going down in the NGO underworld! and then out pops mama shady (teren teren)! the noble heroine,with the long flowing locks!(that’s the cue for the Baywatch hair flicking-over-shoulder move) now, i'm kinda like the female version of antonio banderas in desperado(I like guitar men!) ready to fight and restore peace and justice! To fight for her people, whatever the cost!
The sequel to constant Gardener is born!
Anywho, A part of me wonders, ‘heh, Kenya is tech! Imagine we even have drama of spies and what not’, then another part of me is like, ‘this cant be for real’, then another part of me(I seem to have many parts) just feels sad for clueless Kenyans such as myself !
Qsn: Is there some reality to the way Mr. le Carré depicts Kenya?
Everything is not as simple as it may seem is what I’ve realized. But I wonder, what next for a simple Kenyan such as myself? What next for the rest of the populace who has no hint of the present/past machinations that are at play? Those things boiling just under the surface? How do we get out of this rut?sometimes it feels like we’re so stuck!
And then I thought of India and its slow rise from the doldrums. the heightened investment in some of its cities etc. and I asked myself, how does kenya get to that point How do we bring investment?(if that’s a good thing)how do we create jobs?or on the other hand, someone mentioned the other day that what Kenya should do is close off its borders , in all ways, and reinvent itself!forget foreign ties or investment, cut off our dependency and all other chords that hold us to the west. we tell them 'yawa,ebu hora!' But if this is the solution , would our leaders even embrace it?
Heh, God help us.
oh! may God be with the families of the MP's who passed away in that terrible crash!life can be quite short!
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
and then the air is clear!crystal!i tell you, its quality!
so I was reading this book, and I realized that yani, this chap mr. bernieres ,though kidogo crass and crude , is vere vere funny!ai!yani when I finished somaing the book I spent a better part of the day tryin to get words like ‘cojones’ out of my mind and I’m not even sure if that’s a real word! !now that twasn’t funny!
Anywho, when I read this section , I was just like, this guy must have visited Kenya, cause we have some random people who really bond with such rhetoric! I was told that there was a dude who used to be in maseno who could vibe kinda like this and then there other ones like P. Lumumba and co.! Hmmm, I do wonder sometimes what peeps will say at my wedding…oops I mean at my funeral! but I guess what matters most is what God will say when I check into my eternal home, what I’ll answer when he asks me that question.who do you say I am?
woi, I wonder if there’s any leader in Kenya who would be given an emotive speech such as the one below.
Setting: a biiiiiiiiiigggggg crowd. Some dude has faked his death and so they are having his funeral!
‘citizens and soldiery of Valledupar! A most dolorous duty causes us to congregate in the plaza before the image of our nation’s most exalted hero , Simon Bolivar! In this coffin before us , opened too early, lie the mortal remains of our unfortunate and beloved governor, whose existence although it has been cut untimely short, passed with meteoric luminosity, leaving an illustrious and translucent after-glow in its wake. Even as the varied and beautiful lines of the spectrum through a converging lens are transformed into a scintillating ray of white light, resplendent, so the details which in his work he compiled, united and synthesized , emerged afterwards from his lofty brain in the beautiful productions of public peace and harmony whose merit is sufficient to place his sarcophagus in the temple of immortality”
If the disassociation of the matter which constitutes the shell of the human body carries not with it the destruction of personality; if an immortal spirit survives, transmigrating or ascending in infinite and glorious spirals to the affectionate bosom of the omnipotent creator, then his cruel and gratuitous expiration in the conflagration of a subversive explosion is not death and obliteration, but a transformation, a mere change form one existence to another! The chrysalis, it is true, has broken its carapace, and the glorious butterfly-the resplendent psychic entity-has flown to happier regions, to merge itself into the prime cause of our being. His noble and refined spirit, spreading like the undulations of the oceanic waves , hovers like the humming –birds he loved, amidst the engrossing and perfumed orisons of the choirs of the hierarchies of the celestial inhabitants of the heavenly regions
Citizens and soldiery of Valledupar! Let us bid farewell to the excellent General Carlo Maria Fuerte ! Let us pray that we shall carry always before the lachrymose eyes of our saddened and subdued souls the perfect image of his magnificent example let or tears not wash away the memory of this immaculate and conscientious public servant!
Louis de Berniéres-the war of don emmanuel’s nether parts!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
It’s decided to stage a coup!
Picture all my brain cells milling about shouting slogans
‘Strike! Strike! Calculations must go! Ata hiyo kitu, coherence, it must go!.......solidarity forever…!!!!’
Now when such anarchy persists, it doesn’t bode well for me, especially when I have deadlines.
In times of such hardship….I find solace in music….ahem
Awimbowe awimbowe awimbowe…
The lion sleeps tonight!
Today I heard birds outside my window! Not that it was some random tune composed by some love struck canary. Oh no! it was some other less aesthetically endowed species that had decided to crank out a few notes! But is all good cause it made me remember animals.
As far as wildlife is concerned, apart from the 3000 pigeons that I dodge every morning, I have seen ‘A’ fly and two beetle-like thingy’s since I arrived. Now, when I spotted these insects, I was filled with something akin to apprehension. Dudu mgani can survive in this baridi when a whole human such as myself has barely survived it? MUTANT!
And so I must ask for the forgiveness from the ‘Society For The Humane Treatment Of Arthropods’ BECAUSE,…..I dispatched the informants real quick! kwanza my aim has improved! Those bata slippers come in handy ama sio!chapa kabisa!
Since we’re on the subject of wildlife…..
As a child, animals would pop up from time to time! We had some mad fauna darkening the steps of our domicile- Dogs, cats, Chickens, ducks, rabbits…snakes, chameleons bats, birds of prey, weasels, hives, frogs ,heh,!na kadhalika!
and its not like I live in shagz. shagz is another storo all together! There, we even had rumors of cheetahs and monitor lizards.
Anyway, we left most of these, our animal friends, in peace .sadly most others….even them they were dispatched.
I believe that some of these animals had some sort of psychological impact on my life. I shall proceed to relate only a few incidents
There I am, some happy-go-lucky child playing in the garden with her rabbit.
It all happened in slow motion…..
And then some fluff left floating a few millimeters from my nose. Achoo!
‘NoooooOOOOO! Aaaaaahhhh!’ I let it rip , one of those high pitched screams that only kids can produce. a hawk has absconded with my rabbit!
But wait, somewhere on the horizon I see a small blip plummeting to the ground….PAP!!
The hawk is a savage animal, it didn’t even bother finding out if my Queenie was good enough to eat!(tongue-click plus shaking my head) It was probably a ghetto hawk! the type that don’t know that baby rabbit is a delicacy!
Needless to say, at that moment, I would have proudly defeathered all hawks in existence!
Something had happened to my innocence. I no longer cared when a bird was knocked off a tree by some naughty little boys’ catapult,nor when my cousin mercilessly yanked Mr. grasshoppers legs off! muhahaha!
.I now knew, that the world was an evil place!
Moving on, I think some healing must have taken place, cause by the time I got my cat, I was psychologically sound!
So here comes my cat, I don’t think I even bothered naming it, it was just puss, puss! yani we bonded. But one dark night, (tendeng!) puss came up with the bright idea that he would promote dialogue between species. It went to play with the dogs. Wolololo!
My father carried in the mauled bundle. I couldn’t take it anymore! My heart was ever so fragile!
But woohooo, the cat lived!
Unfortunately, my mother’s heart was also quite fragile and so after puss had jaribud wrecking her sofas!heh, it was shipped off to shagz .
I am still given very dodgy details as to its disappearance. Mara it was a leopard, or ticks, ama a snake, the heat? Shock?….I just don’t know! all I know is that all its 10 lives mailizikad!
All was not lost, puss was quickly replaced by ….Tsunami,!
that was her name!(don’t ask)and when she checked onto the scene, heh, it was those ones of love at first sight. She was white and fluffy, and kidogo stupid, which is probably why we loved her so much! However, we had to come to terms with some of those doggy smells. Cause men! They can really heff up a joint. Kwanza the mshutos!
Now we had never had a house dog before. The men of the house had always had the big dogs to play with, ,you know them Alsatians, and what not!,I never had any emotional attachment to any one of these big dogs neither could I imagine that I would ever be attached to some four legged animal unless it was with my teeth….and it had been converted to nyama/kuku choma! So when I found myself talking to tsunami, I was like mayo!( Usually the only things mwafrikas say to dogs are things like weh!shoo! piga hio mbwa!)
Tsunami…oh tsunami. she blossomed under our care. You know she even became a full she-dog in our house. By the way I couldn’t believe it! I thought humans were the only ones who could PMS! well here’s some biology for ya, we’re not!
we all spoilt her and stuff, lakini discipline was also a must, cause we didn’t need her poopooing all over. Since she was small, we couldn’t go unleashing implements on her. What we would do, is run after her pigain kelele! And this works folks!why?you might ask
Qsn: What’s an animal to think when a bunch of Africans is chasing after them ?
Ans: that things are gonna get real bad!hmmm, Visions of roasting on a spit must come to mind.
(heh, ebu KSRSPCA don't start fuataring me. I might be charged with ‘emotional distress of another species’ )
anyway, Tsunami died last year, (loud wail)
that was the saddest! Oh men!
Now I know why people get boring ,emotionally distant pets like fish!
I’m not the only one in my fam whose had such experiences. My mum told me that she found one of my sisters fast asleep holding on to a live chicken .This was her new teddy bear! besides she didn’t want the kuku to feel cold.
Talk about trauma!
Anywho, let me try and get back to work….
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I think its cause I boycotted kiss fm gongalo!(long ago)
Anyway, I've always found it interesting when people call me sweetie, sweetheart,ama dear. it makes me feel like giggling. I don’t know why?
So ahem ,ahem cough, cough
I have been inspired to write a short rap (kapuka style) …..
…this goes out to all my mamis,my papis, and my hoodrats and hoodpossums!mkono juu……
Sweetie, sweetie jama mwingine alisema
Niliposkiza, nilijiuliza , kweli hii ni neno la maana!
Kumbuka tropical,na BigG , aish,Hizo vitu tulizipenda sana sana!
Sa anakuja kuniambia, eti dada ,
we ni sweetie wangu sababu moyo, umeidunda,
So I sit there y’all wondering, aish this dude might be a danda,
Didnt I just meet him , over theeeere, in that veranda.
Why you callin me sweetie when I don’t even know ya’
makin me blush when youre not even going to get my numba.
All im trying say y’all , is that we chill with the theatrics
sababu neno ikitumiwa vibaya, Si itaisha ladha!
Yo, yo , yo ,yo….(Ahem when you skia this its cause you jua im bila words, my Swahili sucks !terribly!…so clearly!
Anyway, this is not some campaign against peeps who call random women sweetie. It gives me my cheap thrills.It's just that I don’t like it that many words have been demeaned and commercialized nowdays. By the way, the rap is entirely fictional, now where would I be meeting random dudes on verandas, there's too much wind in England if we’re going to be meeting it will be somewhere with a radiator!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
I’m usually a positive person but there comes those days when you look at yourself and you feel like such a hypocrite. Where’s the joy that you’re always telling people to get? Where’s the strength that I’m meant to summon from deep within me, you know that deep place in the vicinity of my intestines? Where’s your trust in the almighty?
You think about what you’ve been telling other people and a small voice at the back of your mind whispers ‘rumbbish! Positivity nini!’
I’m not schizo, no way, but I know who that voice belongs to .namjua!and at points like these God knows I need a little more strength to block out the deceivers voice. But there’s always the lingering thought that what he’s saying may be true, and fleeting though this thought may be, I have seen the destruction and anarchy that it can accomplish.
Today I’m tired. Of what? Hmmm, I don’t have much comment on that myself.
Life at the moment feels like some extended bonding session with Scylla and Charybdis. (Yurr!) I’m confounded by the complexity of my person. Humans can be complex, and I’m a female human to boot. So to add to the cocktail of my confusion, are a bunch of hormones, bad nyweles…
I was telling someone the other day that my nyweles look like they’ve shikad bird flu….hehehe.ai!( Sigh)
Sometimes I think I understand myself so well, and then lo! I am duly surprised, saddened or unimpressed to uncover a side of myself that delights, shocks or even disgusts me. Doesn’t life seem full of craters, Kenyan roads kando! And I feel like I’ve been diving into some of these craters only to say ,once I chomoka with a concussion , ‘maji iko wapi?!’
by the way next t this crater was a big ,red sign with some flashing lights! And sound-effects! And even one of those clowns of kenchic that look like they need to be eating some of that kuku! The sign said ‘THIS IS NOT A POOL’ .ya that’s how life seems like sometimes cause sometimes we like being blind, we like living in our paper houses, chasing pipe dreams.
I don’t know!
That’s the thing I JUST DON’T KNOW!
I’m tired of falling short, Tired of comparisons, Tired off life and its futility,tired of confusion. Sometimes I just can’t wait until Jesus comes, cause men!!...
I need a chapo
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
You know sometimes! You can feel like beating computers!
Have you seen that Dexter cartoon where his past experiments go to some sort of machine hell! Well that’s where I felt like dispatching my computer!
I had typed out, very nicely, many wonderful things. And I kid you not, it took me some time to type out my work. Suddenly, with no concern for my feelings, the computer decides that it can’t find my work!ooowi, Bill gates needs to be sat down!
oh first i would like to thank those who commented on my previous post!men,for real i had feared that i would be writing to/for myself for a few years.you guys were my first commenters,sniff!shukrani!
Moving on, today I want to talk about the dawn of a new era men!
‘The age of the horse-food has come upon us!’ Tedeng!
Now ebu let me explain to you how people bond with their breakfast tables in this day and age.
Food and their variations
Bran- flakes, stringy things, or in dodgy powder form that looks like it’s definitely from the bottom of the food chain
Wheat- shredded, stringed, circular, square(weetabix), flakes
Oats- giant, small, medium, steel-cut, steam rolled,
Muesli- fruity, nutty, with coconuts, or original.(there must be a fake one out there somewhere
Quinoa, barley, brown rice, wild rice …..etc etc
Ebu wacha I break it down for you! It is no longer considered de rigueur to have a bunch of green thingy’s on your plate in the name of healthy eating! no,no,no! nowadays you need a few brown thingy’s as well! Oooh, a small secret, it is very good if these things are of varying shades of brown, because, ehe, when you go to the loo, ‘the stuff’ is meant to flow smoothly and in the right direction! Yurr!
I heard that ‘the stuff’ is also meant to have some particular colour. I still do not know what colour this is, and I'm not going to bother checking so I can tell y’all….tihihi, sorry for disgusting all y’all! all in all, rabbit food is on the way out.
Anyway, I heard on the radio the other day , that there’s a new wave of cereal bars opening up in the states!
Some dude came up with the brilliant idea that since people are really busy nowadays they have no time to kula breakfast vizuri.so yani to make it life a little easier, all you have to do is swing by some swanky breakfast joint called a cereal bar. Imagine!
you can now, ladies and gentlefolk, order your oats, with a dash of prunes, a sprinkle of raisins and a twist of citronella…on the rocks ( and I mean this literally, you never know what they weka in those vibes for texture. Ooh,I guess they would be small stones so that they don’t get sued for dentist fees!)
For me, this translates as yuppie’s who think it’s not up-town enough to go buying a yellow box of weetabix and a carton of milk! they don’t want to be spotted carrying around gold-crown! What is the world coming to?
Personally I don’t think such a franchise could exist in Kenya! I think we’re just weird like that! we all know that Kenchic might be the only franchise turning a profit! yani steers has gone down, Nandos, almost went down, lakini it has a few branches that are keeping it out of the red, and there was another one that used to be at engen…I can’t even remember the name. I wonder why?...But that’s a storo for another day
On my part, morning bliss is achieved by eating some simple fresh loaf ama a nice chapo!very very nyummmy!
So I arrive in the UK , already dismayed at the fact that chapos are not going to taste the same (UK flour is flimsy or something) and that loaf from the bakery would cost me a bomb! sniff,my heart breaks!
so I tell myself to get a grip, seeing as cereal can be my plan C! yay! So I do a few random mornings of the kawaida cornflakes, supermarket bread and weetabix .. Then at some point I decide to make another one of my mid-season resolutions. I decide to step up the healthy eating plan men! so I strut over to the supermarket and procure shredded wheat!
Yuck! yuck! yuck!...ptu!..ptu!
Have no fear! I don’t give up yet. Perseverance tis my middle name. I then go and buy some wonderfully packaged cereal called Country Crisp. The full vibe of berries and stuff,plus, the packaging was quite tech! you know with some farm house and little birdies and calligraphy……
Men, a sista can’t hack this storo! what is this! yani, my mind and taste buds have been effectively boggled !nimepigwa na butwaaa!
I’ve always been an experimenter, especially with food . Now I’m beginning to think that this might not be a very good thing. Apart from the fodder, I have happened upon other things- tofu, Soya milk, fennel seeds, fish that must not have been reared in water, fruits that made me wonder if some mad scientist had decided that he would genetically modify my papayas so that they taste like paper!
Although I must say I do like wholemeal bread...unsliced! and this makes me feel sad for all those scientists who really worked hard to get the bread all white and sliced. It seems that we’re going way back to our beginnings, eating the same rough food but in prettier packages . hmmm, Soon we might even revert to hunting and gathering! i.e if the animal activists and tree huggers and the pro-climate peeps do their jobs and there’s actually something left to hunt and gather. Then there’ll be no need for supermarkets….ha,ya right!
So what is my conclusion:
- ‘what has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, there is nothing new under the sun’ Eccles 1:9 now doesn’t this make you feel jazzed that you and King Solomon worship the same God, who is infinitely wiser and can tell you even greater, more wonderfully ,wiser ,things ! there’s no need to fret over being out of fashion nowadays, just chill a few years and those tired clothes you’re wearing, yes those ones!they'll be the in thing!( maybe I’m just consoling myself!)
-Maybe Europeans have been conditioned to eat some of these junk! Africans be warned! The age of the horse food has began!
Monday, March 20, 2006
you know the song! It makes me happy men! Life can be sooo full of stress yani! But we have a God who is able and who can make you smile! so let him carry your burdens and you'll have joy spilling out of your ears, your mouth your fingertips!...Pick your orifice! Its been hard surrendering my problems to him, but its been worth it! so C'mon sing the song with me, don't worry, be happy....swii,swi,swi,swi,swi( oh this is the whistling he does in the song!)
some sounds just cant be spelt!We have whoof! Meow!Moo !but how come we don't have a whistling sound eh?Imagine trying to spell that sound that many random kenyans make when they're trying to call you and they don't know your name, is it kxs kxs???qxxqxx????....
Sunday, March 19, 2006
what about jolly, old humans?hmmm, ...theres loads of data on this, but what i would like to say is if you feel an increased hankering towards fulfilling some of your baser urges, I would suggest that you take a quick look around, scout the area BECAUSE! …it is likely that you’re being watched!!... random dot!
Today I really wanted to put a song in with my post. but eh…hmmm, I don’t know how to do that...Yet! So I shall continue foraying into the depths of Technodom and see what I come up with! My investigative prowess is sorely lacking, so maybe one of you (is anyone out there??) can saidia a sista!
BIRTHDAYS ARE OVERRATED! seeing that I’ve been in the UK for like eh 1.2.3….approx. 6 months ( wow!) I’ve been privy to observing the behaviour of the natives. Okay give me a moment to gather my thoughts which at the moment are jumping about helter-skelter!
Heh, the last two months I have felt presha! Pre-sssure!yurr!
It seemed that the masses had conspired against me and all of them wanted to have their birthdays in the span of two months!2 motnhs!My bank balance is currently anorexic, heh,so clearly there’s no way I can be buying them presents. So, funny enough I am the only one who ends up not buying them a present. Other people, who claim to be as broke as me, check in and lavish the birthday person with elaborate presents,the full bows, scents, shiny paper, colour coordinated, glad wrap….i’m sure you get my drift.
So The following ensued:-
1. My first instinct is-ooowi,aaach, aaach!lo!...hide!
Oh the shame! The embarrassment! I alone have fallen short of the standard! Alas, tisk, tisk!
2. (In my hiding place) I ask myself- We’ve only known each other for like 1, 2, 3….approx5 months. And its not like we’ve had any heart-to-hearts, or deep talks late into the night so whats all the fuss huh?!we’re not tight ‘like that’!we’re down but not till the ground!there not my peeps! My homies! my tightest amigos!eh!
3.so I come out of hiding , my arms akimbo, eyes flashing,a black ribbon tied across my forhead, with some dash of eyeliner across my cheek( you know the way left eye used to do it)ready to defend myself and call people ‘jinga veve!’ should anyone have the nerve to ask me why I haven’t made a purchase…
4. Ya right! I realize there’s no way I could explain to these people that we’re not friends ‘like that’, and that this was why there was no conveyance of effort.
5. So I continue wondering, and my mental meanderings broach the subject of friendship…
Let me start by saying that in my head and perhaps in my heart there exists a kind of friendship strata (call it what you will). I’m pretty sure, some form or the other of this concept exists in many individuals. You see, I would definitely try and make the effort for my closest friends. But even if I am unable to materially express myself (eh, which happens quite often), they understand! Oooh, a bit of nostalgia, sniff. last year, I passed on another baton of my youth ,passed one of those big birthday milestones ( e.g 40, 50, 30 sweet 16, 19 20,21…) I woke up to another regular day, had a lot to do. So I’m vibing with a pal and I realize she has forgotten my bday. I think I sighed(, no histrionics to observe here) . So when she finally remembers sijui how many hours later , her and her family hijack me to watch a movie. And so there we are grown women, sitting in an almost empty nu-metro cinema, on a weekday afternoon, watching Madagascar and chekaing like jingas!(laughing like stupid people).I really enjoyed that movie, that lemur should have won an oscar or is it an emmy..???
That day was ssssweeet!sniff.it fills me with many awww shucks’s and it’s a day I’ll forever cherish.
Back to the matter at hand , could I say the same for the people around me?
I don’t know why, but somewhere in my subconscious, even though I know better, I feel that these guys(the natives) have shallow relationships. Aren’t there other ways to show how much you appreciate someone? Everyday kinda things?
believe me, I have tried to rid myself of such abominations as stereotyping, judging others , the whole issue of seeing the speck in someone elses eye but not the log in mine!I have tried . But still! Still the thoughts and feelings persist . Like a hungry mosquito, like a niggling itch…like a lunje after the last kuku in the village...hohoho that was funny! Give me a moment to cheka!..
They still fall short in my eyes. The funny thing is, I probably fall short in theirs.
The result of all this thinking, trying to fit and remove people from their boxes/debes has left me tired! Breaking down the rigidity of a fully erected, somewhat stable mindset is not easy! And I’m not sure if any of my efforts have even born any fruit. I’m still pretty cautious when it comes to letting people come too close. Infact, I think the better word would be selective. Only those I allow, can get to know the real me! and the rest of the populace can be dammed to scratching the surface! (Not that I’m special or anything) And this has nothing to do with limiting the number of presents that I have to buy!
All in all, I’m not sure whether this is a good or bad thing or if I even care….all I know is that God called me to love these peeps. And apart from the kawaida love is patient, love is kind vibes, I need to ask God how? Infact let me emphasise, HOW??? How would they feel most loved? And if it is in my power to deliver some good lovin’ then shouldn’t I? Elaborate gifts and all? You know if I cancelled a few things off my ‘To Get For Myself’ list then I could have probably gotten them something small. I have given myself a slap on the wrist for not doing that and a big ‘shame on you!’So whether or not their relationships are shallow, I guess have a duty to perform. So yani, God please give me the strength to think like you cause ..heh!
i need to learn how to write shorter posts ama!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Anyway, today was the dawn of the great paradox.I had so much to say, but was not sure how to articulate it! My heart was heavy and light at the same time...or maybe it was just the dodgy sandwich I ate for lunch.…it wouldn’t be good if I came all the way to the UK to get dysentery!
So what to do?!
I have been wondering, as many of you do in those quiet moments when you should be getting some work done, about the superficiality of my/our generation. We feign knowledge, depth, and even beauty! Heh, and I find this a very serious situation indeed! Now what made me think of this ?
Well, the other day, someone attempted to woo me…blush, blush +girly giggle! now you see sadly for the guy, I was enjoying the whole experience, rather then actually getting wooed! I am hoping that doesn’t make me evil! But in my defense, I told him straight up that boyo, you are saying very funny things!
Aish! how can a jama start saying , ooh, bebe bebe, I liiike you after 3 minutes! I don’t get you jamaz, what do you think you’ll achieve when you throw a lady a leery eye and some come-hither-me look ,with connotations of Rrrrrr? I do understand that there are some women who actually fall for these antics and the only thing I can say is woman! raise those standards! Now there might be a few of you jamaz out there who might be thinking , that dude is not smooth like me, but I tell you, being a very harsh critic myself, I know he was faring much better that 80% of all y’all Kenyans. Now I’m not one to dismiss a person because of their lack of verbose, so putting his interesting posturing aside, I found out he’s a pretty nice guy! He would have had more luck if he had just relaxed on the antics in the first place!
I believe that creativity has sallied out of the grasp of men. We are a generation of the cheapest clichés .Some dude will take you to java, or a movie, and I’m meant to think wow, I feel special! Men, why not go sit on the grass in bomb blast park and bond or take a matatu (mini-van) to naivasha, and have a picnic,! That’s real and I bet you its very different!
Hmmm, I acknowledge that perhaps the chic may not appreciate such adventures and this makes us a very boring bunch!as women we need to give dudes the room to be creative, stop stifling whatever man is in your life (dad, brother, boyfi) and let their creative juices flow!
Furthermore, tadadum! This is a big one….we have no conviction! Walala, that’s the word I was looking for. You see my dad went for a conference and met a young ‘miss thang’ and declared after a few minutes that they were going to get married. Mayo! I know this sounds like dialogue form the ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’ and I have a feeling that my mother was duly unimpressed! The thing is, my fathers conviction led to a whole chain of events that culminated in me writing this story for you.
Now for those who don’t understand what conviction is , it is deep assurance and certainty. You’re intensely, acutely, unequivocally persuaded about something.All of us, women included, need to have perpetual dalliances with this here adjective. We need more of that ‘20:20’ vision.
Now our generation doesn’t know how to be convicted, be it in relationships, at work, at home at church…the list could go on , ad infinitum! If you’ve decided this is the job, (chic, friend, business etc ), for you then you better act like you’re persuaded about it. We bail out too fast! Not that I’m telling you to remain in dead-end jobs or relationships. Ebu get wise! But what I’m saying is that great opportunities are traded for cheap alternatives in the face of adversity and its time we changed this.
As for where to get the strength to be all convicted, I can only point to God! And I say, he shall give it to you! There were days I would have willingly returned home to get a kijiti that I would chapa people with these sides! But I have chosen to be convicted to what I am doing and so, I have been given strength to shikilia when I feel like I’m about to go postal!
Now back to the creativity vibe, ebu you dudes get inspired, stop thinking in the box, bucket,or whetever! For your information, you don’t need money. If you’re drilling holes in your pocket to entertain a chic, ebu start revising that relationship of yours!
Oh I’ve just remembered, I have really wanted to say this to Kenyan guys but frankly, its been hard getting all of them together. I think Kenyan guys are the most interesting people. Since I came to this place I’ve been wondering if I’ll find some random guys that I can cheka with. Funny enough, I would like to say that for me Kenyan dudes shinda in the arena of friendly banter! Bravo!
So I guess what Ive been trying to say, is that we must say ‘no more!’ to spines that mimic the flexibility of spaghetti that has gone well past the al dente phase. I’m hoping you dig what I’m saying! And for those who feel the urge to spew a few lines in the hope of forming a romantic union, be real, be yourself, and make the chic cheka with you not at you . lets say ‘no!’ to verbal fumblings and bumblings.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Its quite sad isn’t it! How ignorant can you get!aish! and the thing is ,it's belligerent ignorance! Sometimes I wonder why I’m in this country!what good life is this that Kenyans are hankering for in these far away lands? More money? better opportunities? I guess that’s all true but for real, I wonder! Its astounding that by 6 years of age I knew that when my mother went to the states she wasn’t going to a village in England and that Canada wasnt the capital of the newyork!duh! how, oh how, do these natives enlighten themselves?! A fully fledged collegiate has the audacity to assume that because I am different, I am less! And this is not racism ! oh no, I think its worse! I think racists are driven by the fear that they know we are the same! Oh how it drives me mad! The assumptions that are made about those who have non-european accents ,amaze me! This is how china is going to take over their economies, and let me kid you not , we will hear the chorus of voices in protest, ‘I thought they didn’t speak English?'
P.S. In my blog trots, i ended up at global voices online and proceeded tofurther incense myself by comparing dialogue occuring on kenyan and UK blogspheres! what i found was a lot of wonderful recipes on how to make mash ...in the UK page....????what! i know that those entries hardly scratch the surface of the british blogsphere...but as i said, this is the full rant! theres no reasoning with me right now!
have a good one!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
So then I chomoka into this foreign land and we have free internet!that functions at thrilling speeds! and excited Kenyan that I am , I have spent many hours in pursuit of enlightenment and blindness! By the way this is a very real fact. My sight,RIP, was at its peak,tip-top condition, performing wonderously, before I started this weird relationship with my laptop! You know sometimes I would even give them(my eyes) tests,
"eyes , read that poster as the matatu flashes past, over" ,"alpha-charlie-billy!Affirmative, over!" replied my eyes, as they proceeded to rattle off whatever it was that was written on the poster!
now this is a fete, cause I'm talking about one poster in a million on some white wall that has morphed into a dusty brown colour somewhere in down town nairobi !
my eyesight thrilled me! And yes, I do realize these were cheap thrills!
But alas...I have now been told that I'm officially becoming short sighted and that my sight should degenereate until I'm about X-years old.(sigh)
anyway, so I found out about blogs and proceded to go blog-trotting. I read some interesting ones, that made me love Kenyans all the more dearly! and though this love may be superficial, it made me think,it inspired me and it made me laugh!
now, I like to dot ,I do! however,sometimes I have random moments of clarity and like meaningful conversation, which I do say, is a very rare commodity in this here city! So i've taken the first tentative, tremulous step!
Will I break into a run.... and sprain my foot, or skip away towards my pot of gold! sijui!
so heres my blog!I leave you with a small dialogue that occurred before I cut the ribbon and inaugurated my page!
ms.i like me some adventure,
The infidels -low-self esteem-mother
and their progeny-procrastination,
Ms i-like-me-some -adventures:what?!
Confidence:this is it!
ms.adventure: This is what!?
confidence:we can sit still no longer. I have no more patience for the infidels!they must be silenced post-haste. We must rule once again!
ms.adventure: woo! lets do this! mad action! finally! i was getting bored. ummm...but how are we going to conquer them?!have you seen the size of those peeps, theyre stupid, but very large and very loud!...anyway, who cares lets go!
mrs.infidel: woiye!have you heard the way theyre talking about us. am i that bad?have i failed as woman of the house? (sigh) although, I know even if confidence gets his way, we'll never be as good as those blogs that live up-town. (sigh)we'll never have a big wonderful blog in the right post code , no fine links,no big posts to show off to all our guests.(sigh) lazy!wake up!please listen to me!
mr.infidel:eh......I was listening.im just tired!
mrs.infidel: what have you been up to?
mr. infidel: nothing
BOOOM! TWAF! (and a few other loud noises!in struts confidence and ms.i-like-me-some-adventure, holding procrastination by the throat!)
confidence: is all over , see!step down or the kid dies , muhahahaha!
( and so the story goes....i write my first post)