Tuesday, March 27, 2007


A pal sent me this today and I really chekad, it was entitled a kuyo baptism!but many of us would do the same thing.ama?
Anyway, last week was interesting, even after my madramas on the bus (yes that was the storo in the last post- i know my sheng is of the...eh, unfamiliar/dodgy breed, lakini I did it all by m'self with the help of some sheng lexicon on google...blame them!)
moving on swiftly...have any of you ever been identity frauded?I may have been, but I'm not sure.

It's sad!money just sprouting legs and walking out of youre account as if its going on holiday! And thats not the end of the story, after youve attempted to find out whats going on i.e investigations have been launched, you've got a prayer committee working round the clock and strategy formulators formualting strategies.... it pulls a houdini and reappears!

What is this surely!

And then youre charged for not having enough money in your account, when in actuality...there should be money in the account!!!!...but its gone on holiday!aki!
For a moment I wondered if I was chiziing kidogo! Is this some sort of normal banking practice that I've never been told about?Well the guy at the bank, made me feel like I was over-reacting which made me so MAD that I could'nt even say anything. When I'm angry I don't make sense,i may have even chucked for him vernacular!so imagine a woman foaming at the mouth,spewing nonsense....in vernacular...heh!ahoy deportation.

I tell you there is some wisdom in keeping money huuukooo under your mattress!patrons of this movement, I salute you.

But as the cartoon says it reminded me that everything that went under belonged to him, so yani I was quite surpised at the calm he gave me, cause things could have gotten thickest!
for now....I don't know... I will brood...or think about bees and things and flowers !


Farmgal said...

If its barclays you bank with..then I can tell you I have been a victim. I think they have loopholes which makes it easy for peeps to withdraw from ur account.
I simply changed banks! I had someone withdrawing money in manchester sijui scotland etc etc and all the time I was in london...from my account kwa atm machine! how now?

egm said...

Yaani your maisha is just 24 for real! First you have bus-crazies, now you have account-maulers! Pole for that. Like Farmgal says, I'd switch banks even before a second was past badala ya wasting breathe on them. I am fortunate to be with a bank that will call me the first time something out of the normal happens. At first I thought that was annoying, but later on came to realise that diligence in a bank is a rare thing to find!

As for the baptism... :)

Bomseh said...

Kikuyu bashing once again. Still their Equity Bank is the safest. Look at all the wise(old) men banking there. I hear they even have ATM instructions in Kikuyu.Time to make your move.

mama shady said...

@farmgal:imagine i dont bank with barclays. i was just thinking about moving there! but clearly after what youve said i'll have to give it second thought.now to where?the bank i am with was said to have a good reputation.
@egm:heh!i tell you. this is not the type of drama that i wanted.i think they only carry out that service in the states though. diligence...if only.
@bomseh:no bashing here,imagine what other peeps would hold up;).equity bank...hehe, if only there was the uk equivalent.

Unyc said...

Kuyo's n mullah...lol. thats a hilarious cartoon.

I wonder whats going 2 happen 2 u next...lol. N i thot i ws the only one who had continuous drama...one day this the next that...asii!!

Change banks n fast!

Methuselah said...

Mama-Shaddie. Wassup! Waltzing in at number 300! Hhehehe! Ati Houdini! I prolly have no issues like that since i have no mulla in the account anyway. Sorry about that scare. I am with UnGEM and Shake Sista on the matter of hamishaing that account pronto! What if it pulls another one and this time it retires badala ya going on spring break? Hehehehe! Sista Shake what about Barclays? Should i move my name to another bank? Been with them with no problems for over 10 years. Hmmmm.

I would so do the same as the fella in the cartoon! Hilarious!

Mose, Equity ATM in Kiuk? This i have to see! "Uhoro waku, Mbeca etc etc..." ROTFL

KIPUSA said...

Gal I penda checking out your blog. kuna vile when im bangazaing(bored) I look up to your blog for some laughs. Rock on gal.

egm said...

There was a post on the Kikuyu ATM once, but I guess it's been since removed. I did find this link that has it though. Hilarious!

mama shady said...

@unyc: usually my life is sooo dry! no drama whatsoever..so all these things happening....watch this space is all i can say.i shall change.
@methu:wasssssaaauuup!kwani which language are you counting in...300?!?aki, i would have been abiaing you guys to fanya kbw harambee!;)i am going to change though. lakini i have no idea which bank is best...at the mo, im suspicious of all of them. sigh
@egm:ebu translate that link kidogo.
@kipusa:woiye, laugh but with empathy...;)thanks though!

egm said...

NB: I'm not a Kyuk, but I understand some of it, so here is my attempt at translation. My comments are in bold

Equity bank has improved its state of the art ATMs that are programmed in Kikuyu!

The Kamba version is coming soon! The ATMs have rejected the Luo and Luhya version therefore an expert has to be brought in from UK to solve the problem.

The Kikuyu service goes like this:

When it asks you to key in your pin number
- theca namba cia mbini wakorwo niuraciririkana. akorwo ni atm kandi ya mundu uiyite na riu ni kungeci namba, io kadi nongumeria!!
Put in your pin number if you know it. If you are using an atm card you stole from someone and are guessing their pin number, I'll swallow the card (literal translation, of course :)).

If you put the wrong code, you get this message,
- tiga wana, ni ngumeria kandi yaku.
Stop being childish, I'll swallow your card.

" Urenda mbeca cigana? ", How much money do you want? options are

-Kamfifty? Fifty?

-Igana? Hundred?

-Kiamatano? Five Hundred?

-Ngiri? Thousand?

ona kana or

-mbao? Twenty?

Ino ni bengi ya athini, tiga thoni.......thura tu!
This is a bank for the poor, so don't feel shameful... just chose!

If you key in more money than you have,
- i kai mundu uyu urenda atia? tiga uichi, andika mbeca iria ui winacio!
What are you thinking of? Stop your thievery and type in the amount of money you know you have

When you have no funds.
-uumuthi eitha ukuinuka maguru kana umenye kuria ukuiya mbeca. Wiriga kundipociti mbeca ri?? nikii? kai utari thoni? Inuka!
Today you'll either go home on foot or you'll have to figure out where to steal money from otherwise. When was the last time you deposited any money? What's the deal? Don't you have any shame? Go home!

When you just want to know the balance.
-mbaranci yaku ni fifty, urutite nginya ndibothiti na riu no thitima na maratathi ma equity urahuthira! CONOKA MUNO!!
Your balance is fifty, you have withdrawn including the deposit, and now it's just Equity's electricity and paper that you are wasting! Shame on you! (Not very sure about this one, so a Kyuk should probably go over this and correct me if I'm wrong).

When you have withdrawn some cash & you do not require a receipt.
-oooo kumbe niwamenya ndunatigia ona ndururu?!!!! ha ha ha!!!!!!
Ah, so you do realise that you haven't left even a cent? Hahaha!

mama shady said...

ive chekad!ya, quite funny!thanks!

Archer said...

EGM you've totally killed me! Haha!

@mama shady: pole for your masaibus with the bank. Same thing happened to me twice with Standard Bank in SA, cash goes missing them miraculously reappears two days later after I've made mob noise at the bank. So I switched to another bank that sends you a text message every time a transaction is conducted from your account.

Majonzi said...

lol@ Egm-- totally cracked me up. as for shady, my money also does the rounds.... lakini vile I am oblivious I never know what is in or out of my account :-d

egm said...

@ Majonzi et al, a good way to keep track of your account: Clear Checkbook. But it is incumbent on you making entries each time you carry out a financial transaction. It was brought to my attention by Bankelele on one of his posts, and I must say it does a pretty good job. I know down to the cent what is in any of my accounts. Used to do it on paper, but that was too cumbersome. Good thing about this is you can do it anywhere with an internet connection, since it's all based online.

@Archer, that idea of a text message for transactions made sounds good!

mama shady said...

@archer:heh!im tafutain one that does such things, but i still doubt that they carry out such services here. im doing my homework though..
@majonzi:heh, that obliviousness...ebu ishindwe!;)pole about your shidaz as well
@egm:clear chequebook sounds like a good idea,wah, but entering each transaction is hard!although it would definitely make you chonjo

Klara said...

Am still RONFL
@Mama Shady
That cartoon is hilarious. I was LOL!
Pole 4 ur misfortunes maybe u should swisth banks!

bantutu said...

UnGEM umenidedisha!!Heheheh!!!
Now to Mathe...BTW:Ebu hit me up I tell you why MATHE is sooo appropriate a name for you from me:"thebantu@gmail.com"
Ai nDrama is your suitor kabiasa!! Heheheh!! Matress forevern nakwambia...badilisha wezi...hao watakufiisisha(sotesha yani...)
And plizz do me a favour...Miss Dorcas(Word Verific....) ammmm how about firing her....Hihihihi!!

Sue said...

@EGM That was the MOTHER.. I cant stop laughing..

@Mama Bantush I think you're a drama queen. Drama sems to be your middle name here... About your cash, kama uko kwenye uko kuna Equity, unaeza change.. Ama basi uzichimbie kashimo apo inje ya hao basi..
The cartoon was hilarious!!
:.Just Sue.:

mwangi said...

Angalau the situation was resolved without losses. I can imagine how stressful such a situation can be ... bwana asifiwe ...

kenyaonly said...

Amen to that lakini what about when money goes on LOA (leave of absense)

Acolyte said...

Wonderful cartoon!

Kirima said...

@Egm, that was a true cracker!! pure genius
@Mamashady, Pole for your bank woes I find Kenyan banks especially Barclays very customer unfriendly to people with less than one million in their accounts.

Prousette said...

I loved those ATM instructions in kyuk LOL! Can I forward them to someone with permission of course.

Pole mamashady. Money and yourself should come to an agreement concerning spring and summer breaks at this rate. You need to change the banks.