Sunday, March 30, 2008

I never realized how much I don't like writing essays!! Writing for me is more enjoyable when I don't have to bother backing up what I say. Maybe this is why I blog and bother my friends with long emails basically about nothing.
I guess sometimes what is needed is an escape from always having to prove something. This is why I'll probably never be an academic or politician (not like Kenyan politicians ever use facts) or some sort of journalist, no no. Although I did have my hopes and you never know...I was telling my friend the other day that I should become a relationship consultant...she laughed!
Anyway, so I'm reading a paper on Global civil society and theres an interesting bit about a mister known as Hegel. It is said that this dude believed war kept society healthy...

'just as the movement of the ocean prevents the corruption which would be the result of perpetual calm, so by war people escape the corruption which would be occasioned by continuous or eternal peace'


Makes you wonder how he arrived at such a statement!And which dissidents ,run with it. Makes me wonder where words and ideas that I let float around carelessly could lead me or others inconsequential as they seem.

Anyway, it is now 0013hours....

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

I'm A Woman

That word eh...
I need to vent just a little bit

Its probably no wonder that I came across the quote I mentioned in my previous post. God was trying to keep me focused.

But people keep asking me why I don't wear enough makeup;I remember with fondness the days when Vaseline on the lips was enough of a fashion statement. Other ones ask me whether I've lost weight,If I'm planning on losing weight,whether I'm on weight watchers?What about the number of times I've been told I look mature, which I usually take as a compliment until the question dawns on me, aged mature or deep mature, sijui?I'm wondering when my friends started looking like they we're on their way to a photo shoot all the time, infact some have gone all the way and even gone for the photoshoot!;wondering why that guy who was behind me in school gives a weekly commentary on the do's and don'ts of accessorizing and says that if I'm a proper woman I ought to have more bags than he does!That women around me seem to know where that shade of eyeshadow should go , while I'm struggling to guide the eyepencil around and not into my eye(ouch); that all these people seem to have resources that I don't know about cause I cant figure out how you can save and still pay for makeup, accessories,, music,books, bills .....maaaaaeeeeen!

Its giving me a complex, this pressure to conform!

Maybe I'm just not creative...but that would be a blow my ego would not willing to take right now.

So I'm strong. I refuse to care!
But the things is I do...just a little, tiny, ok maybe closer to medium, bit.

Sometimes, especially in this society, it feels like theres a grumpy judge standing over me with a small kijiti ready to rap me over the knuckles for committing my weekly fashion faux pas. Its hard being a grown up woman in this century, especially if you don't fit into the mould that society so willingly proffers. I don't feel like I do and I'm only 22. So now what?!

I fully understand that women have to make an effort and I've got nothing against looking good.They say that our generation might be the best looking yet...hahaha.
Anyway, in a way it bugs me that I've spent valuable time and space typing up a post that is basically about looks . It makes me feel so vain (Hanging head in shame, blush creeping up neck)but its just that the reason behind why we should bother, seems to escape me from time to time, especially in the face of blasts of wind, temperatures of 6 degrees and the fact that good clothes cost nothing below £10 (and sometimes thats the cost of a vest).
Theres more to life than how we look and I can only be me, but the pressure is still there, gnawing away into the hidden bits at the back of my brain.

I'm a womaaaan...W.O.M.A.N tralalalala