Friday, April 06, 2007

One flew over the kukus nest...

Now at home the only time I actually encountered a mad man was in a jav on the way to Westlands. As usual since temperatures were huko stifling, I was sitting next to the window ,my blouse flapping in the breeze, my mind far away. So we made a stop and some guy enters , has a mild conversation with the conductor and then sits by me.At this point my mind is still meandering. Just when the daydreams are getting interesting e.g I've unleashed my super powers and…..I feel a nudge. So thinking it’s the conductor I look up about to tell him I already paid. Instead, my eyes gaze into the yellowish orbs of a middle aged guy…hmmm, actually they’re reddish, his eyes that is

Something else draws my attention though….my gaze falls…

So far my brain is computing, a lot of….eh, dirt, mangled hair, remnants of beard, a strange earthy smell wafting its way to my nostrils and something else that’s…that’s… unidentifiable. Something at the back of my brain keeps flashing water closet, but I ignore it. I continue looking, and further record, holes in shorts, no shoes, hairy/spindly legs.... then I look at the hands; long nails…(gulp),and somehow, I don’t know how, the smell intensifies.


Its poo poo!yeuuuukkk! Congealed stuff… all black now!

What causes me to panic is that this guy is now asking me for money…now I was somewhat naive at that point of my life and so instead of being intelligent about all this I think I shrugged and then panicked.

‘what if he has other stuff in his pocket, what if he gets aggressive, what if he grabs me….(oowii,moan, moan)’

I’m not sure what look flashed across my face, but it galvanized the conductor and he came to my rescue!yaaay!

Back to the present, last week I was at the library sitting, reading, thinking, wondering at why such a fine establishment still looked like it was stuck in the 1970’s, smelly carpet an all. My brain was overheating as it tends to do nowadays and I couldn’t help but wish that I was born in another era, where all I had to do was resign myself to washing clothes and baking bread…but that’s a story for another day.

Sigh, I did need to focus and as I looked down at the page once again all I could see was words. They looked pretty! Slippery s’s, erect l’s, staunch o's… HA! I lie! When things are in Times New Roman how exciting can they get surely. Clearly you can see I was pining for a distraction. Anywho, I heard some shuffling and so looked up. A man was joining me at my table. My first thought was that the whole purpose of me sitting at this spot was that I wanted to be alone bucko! Well I guess he didn’t know. He sits and at first everything seems fine. He mutters a few times but I don’t really pay attention. However(said like my std.5 GHC teacher)when he started talking real loud, I did begin to wonder…..

‘power….the yanks rock., what they need to do…..heheheh…hehehe, the sharks, they ate him…cool…heheh, what he doin in the wa-er… POWER! Those terrorists….mumble…fart arse you ‘ave!….making noise like.&^*$*%! mumble mumble…’

Note: he was reading the newspaper and scribbling all sorts of things across pictures and shouting randomly to people who made a little noise…

After all this he removed some food from a paper bag, acting like it was some covert operation and then proceeded to eat the food with enough sound effects to do Frank Miller proud!

So I sat there looking at this man and wondering how life was like for him. If he worried about life, if he dreamed, if he talked with God, how God replied, if he liked ice-cream....
There’s also another lady who I see at our bus stop ,posh British accent, dresses like a man and generally has quite the conversation with herself ,cracking quite a number of racist jokes and laughing at them the way I laugh at my dry jokes.(I really do laugh at my own jokes,its not sad!)
what’s life like for her?

Now, if western societies are anything to go by, we are definitely going to see a rise in psychopathologies and all that in Kenya. Do you think Kenyans are ready? No scratch that…would you be ready?

oh i forgot!MERRY EASTER EVERYONE! think about the good things that happened during this time!


egm said...

My bus to work is a veritable madhouse I tell you. I get off at the end of the line where there's a Veteran's Affairs hospital for all them former servicemen and women. And some of these people are in deep psychological problems, so you see quite a few crazy things during the commute. It really does make you appreciate that you have it all together.

But as you point out about laughing at your own jokes, at times just sitting in a corner and observing people can be quite the eye-opener. Even "normal" folks might have idiosyncrasies they might display subconsciously, making for interesting observations for the keen eyed individual.

I hear you about the simpler times. But then again looking at the past with rose coloured glasses makes us forget there were things that made for hard times even then that some modern day inventions have helped ease.

Usifikirie sana, the weekend is here... Happy Easter!

Deuxieme said...

Happy Easter. Talk to people otherwise being an introvert can make you go mad.

Acolyte said...

Happy Easter! Nutso folks are all over I tell you, some are more noticeable than others though! Stay safe!

methuselah said...

...and you quietly sat through the monologue and antics of the paper scribbling...gentleman?..watched him eat.. heheheheeheh!! Times roman is exciting - relatively speaking - compare it to a rock lets say. heheheh!

I see a new sigh Psychotherapists needed! That should be my new line, seriously! :-)

Merry easter to you too!

mama shady said...

@egm:yeah, i mean life is for the living in the here and now, especially if you have most if not all of you're faculties.nostalgia can be mildly addictive though.hehehe, i wonder what people se when i think im acting all normal.
@deuxieme: ah bomseh, it is you!yeah, talking to people definitely has its remedies.heh, i spent some time alone for an extended period of time and definitely felt like i was losing it.thank God for community i.e. when it exists.
@acolyte:they seem to be coming out of the woodwork lately!i shall try!hope you stay safe as well!
@methu:you a psychotherapist!...;)that would be interesting!kwani you wanted me to talk to him;)ya, i just sat there.i think the reasons for my staying were good though.

Wambui said...

I just moved to a new city, and people warned me about aggressive panhandling, but even in Nairobi, this would never happen: a woman walked up to me at a food court, in broad daylight, picked my drink off my tray, drank a cold, long swig out of my cup, all the time looking at me like "wach-u-gon-do-bitch!"...gave a satisfied belch, and walked off. I was speechless (trying to figure out why she didn't just take the cup- it's not like I was going to finish the drink now)...let's just say that now I am in full Nairobi-alert mode: no more assuming that anyone smiling at me is just being West Coast friendly!

egm said...

Eh, Wambui that one has shindad! I'm sure it's one of those things you say can't be true until it actually happens to you.

Unyc said...

@Wambui lol...crazy things do happen i tell ya!!

@Mamashady The craziest thing that ever happened 2 me in a mat ws b4 the michuki rules when we sat four in a row, on my way 2 campo. Am sittin next to this guy and his holding a newspaper pretending 2 be readin as i found out later. Now there i am in my nice skirt lookin out the window (i hv travelled on waiyaki way for yrs but i never seem 2 get tired of lookin out...strange). Squeezed as we are i feel smethin touch my leg. I look at the guy and his deeply engrossed readin a political article. i think its the newspaper that rubbed my leg n continue with my earlier window-gazing. Kidogo tu i feel the 'newspaper' start going up my skirt and am thinkin cnt this guy find a way of holding his paper? For sme reason his fingers were not cold as u'd feel on ur skin n i wld hv sworn it ws the paper till i saw him slightly bend n the paper went higher up mid-thigh. I had 2 check and WTF!! his nasty fingers were actuay the 'newspaper'. Now am not the type 2 cause publicly lakini i ws so pissed...i slapped the dude n the rafta told the driver to stop the mat. I said am not travellin in the same mat with that bastard. Sme guyz wanted 2 rough him up lakini time ws not on our side n we hd 2 go...hehee. Crazy men!
Pole for doin a post badala ya comment.

mama shady said...

@wambui!walala, that chic...she's a hero. i cant even belive it. she must have really timed you!i wonder if thats what she does to get food or if she's really lost it.
@unyc:post away!now yours is crazy!
how does someone take liberties like that!alala!he should have been pigwad kidogo by those men.those are bed manners of the highest order!im nto sure what i would have done if i was in youre shoes!(hehehe, probably chuked one shoe and hit him with it;)

kipepeo said...

lol @ brain over heating...mine does the same and refuses to look at times roman anymore! yes psycho doctors are well needed! eeek at the dude in the matatu...poo...not good not good at all

Jermaine said...

@ Wambui.. LOL.. I can see he look on your face.
@Unyc You should have roughed him up yourself.. That's so bad. Pole
@ Mama Shady, we sure need psycho doctors, otherwise in the next en years to come, we'll all be psycho.
Happy belated Easter..Too.. I guess I came in a little too late. :)

Klara said...

@Wambua..Bado nacheka! That's disgustin n crazy!!
@Unyc...LOL! U were lucky 2 have discovered him mapema! Shame on him! Michuki's Rules have helped reduce this kind of stuff!
@Mama Shady...
This one got me in Stiches! LOL! That mad man reminds me of one in Ushago who Grapped me n kataliad me shoutin I was his enstranged Wife! LOL! I could have died of embarrasment! Anyway some guys saved me from him! It was drama mbaya!

Wambui said...

Such things only happen to me- I mean, they make great storos, but in the moment when it's happening, I am just wondering if I'm comic relief for the gods. It makes for good writing material though, so as long as they don't hurt me, I just roll with the punches and never sleep in public places e.g. buses/trains/planes...(enough happens when I'm awake and alert to warrant caution)

Princess said...

Hope you had a fantastic Easter!!

Kayliz said...

I find Mad folks interesting. Seriously, what's going through their heads. I remember we once went on a school trip to Mumias and there was this dude who, on seeing the girls get off the bus, stripped and started doing his business right there, leaning on the bus. (i.e 'pleasing himself'). Bonkers!!

Sue said...

People were created differently by God. It worries me that there are so many psychos nowadays, and I bet it's due to all stress in life. I agree we need more doctors.

Kirima said...

Long since I took a bus ride but I do remember how you try to mind your own business but inadvertently you always end up next to some one who you wish to ignore but who can't stop nagging you on the way. but luckily I havent bumped into any mad men.
@Unyc, pole for the gropper some men just don't have manners!

Farmgal said...

I read this post ealier in the week..been thinking abt it on and off
there is a guy who catches his bus outside my digz on mondays...aki you should see the woman whom I presume to be his fulltime carer..she looks harassed!
Dealing with people with mental disorders can be frustrating...If and when I have a run-in with one. I jsut say a quick prayer for them

Farmgal said...

And please say you'll come for rugby on 26th May at Twickenham. please say you'll come!

mama shady said...

@kipepeo:i tell you we need a cure for the overheating business!yup, it wasnt good at all!at least the poo wasnt fresh, you know ready for smearing.
@jermaine:im not sure if its more doctors we need...what's making people lose it more nowadays in a society that is supposedly so 'self-aware'?yeah, i know we're more stressed and have greater pressure from different areas but if we're soooo clever how come we're not dealing with it appropriately.sigh, ten years, things might truly be thick;)
@klara:woi!ive chekad, talk about drama. Estranged wife!youre lucky you were'nt okotwad and carried home on his shoulder;)
@wambui:i know!at least you'll have interesting stories to tell us and you're grandkids.
@princess:yep, easter was good!hope yours was alright!
@kayliz:eewww!thats terrible!@sue:more doctors or do we need to learn how to make the right choices?i agree it is worrying.
@kirima:you should go on a bus ride as soon as possible;)just for kicks.
@farmgal:yup, it can be frustrating. but it also just sad that they are so incapacitated. i dont know, we do need to make sure that we pray for them.many christians forget.auuu, twikenham, i would love to come!but i have exams!arrrgh!si we write a petition and tell them to push it to the 30th?aaah, but we'll see if i can work something out.

Farmgal said...

please work something out!

mwariwadavid said...

mamashady you gave me a good laugh, at the way you describe the kenyan episode