Saturday, March 03, 2007

colgate is our friend!

It started with a twitch….
Twitch, twitichy-twitch.!
I refused. Yes I did. No way was I going to be derailed into throwing myself on the floor! No way was I going to writhe and wail! I had taken it upon myself to pay full attention today , after all ,this one lecture could be it! This one lecture could be the one thing that got me to greener, if not cleaner pastures. I can see it now, my career growing by leaps and bounds. Yup, that’s me you see getting most prized-wondrous-superlicious employee award. Oscars, Pulitzers, president!!! hahaha ha!
No more 2 bob underwear, no more crackers for breakfast, no homemade deodorant! Ha! Things are looking brighter already.
But it’s all down to me paying attention in class….

Focus! this is the state that I awoke to, and the state in which I would stay. Just..(looking at watch) just…(swallowing waru in throat)… 1 more hour to go.
Twitch , twitichy-twitch……Noooo! Concentration is fleeting, but I must!and so I try a little motivation…. ahem, 'I am here to bow at educations throne! Teach me oh great lecturer! spew forth you’re crumbs of enlightenment! I desire to bask in you’re glow!'
I have been called stubborn before, but this time I'm justified, education I came to get and educated I will be ! Twitch or no twitch.

But then the heat starts creeping up my arm, up my neck , down my thighs, up my hair shaft….ooooowi! I’m a beacon, I’m a beacon!
Hmmmm, but I’m not sure if I’m the only one suffering from some sort of menopausal flash or if the temperature in the room just shot up by 30 degrees. I carry out a mild recon and realize that everyone else seems fine. Sigh…shikilia…45 mins!

The lecture sneaks me a glance. Trying to act as normal as possible, I glare her down .
‘nini!’ says my look of steel.
But my gaze soon atrophies…I feel my spine slacken, my mouth droop, my…wooops, there goes my head…tiiiiiimber!
Straight into my hands it goes. They, my hands, empathetically try to massage that which hurts! I look back at the lecturer, invariably hoping that my stare conveys to her that I do not understand what’s going on! This is not my fault, and I, in all honesty, did not wish to have red eyes and beads of sweat rolling down my face ,in steady cadence I may add.
I know this look is not at all fashionable at the moment neither is it becoming of a lady of my stature. But no, it is not my fault. Perhaps some of that radioactive stuff making its way across England has found its way into my breakfast…but why sneak it into weetabix I ask?
Twitch twitichy twitch…..BOOM!
paralysis…mama, I cant feel my legs!
Actually I could, but at that point the pain was too much! I couldn’t think. The keening began somewhere deep within me.

Still. Still I remained silent, slightly feverish, but silent. The lecturer sent me another glance. Had I the audacity or even the will, I would have stuck my tongue out at her. Instead I gazed at her. This time I’m not sure what my gaze conveyed because she sauntered over, and slapped down a set of transparencies! pap!
I look up at her, ‘what’s this?!woman don’t I look siiick!’ I shout. No scratch that, I scream! eh, albeit inwardly.

‘blaaaaog, doooog wooorrrriteig claaablaaaag’
‘Pardon?’ I say, making sure I accented it just right. You know if you speak ki-african they don’t gitch you.
‘blaaaaag yojjjiiuuuuu neeeekgid tiiunngoooo do..’
I shrug.
She goes away.
All I want is morphine.
I saw her mouth moving, but I say, that woman was speaking another language. English university my foot, aliens all of them. Apparently she said something like ‘discuss and then present’. Yeah right.

Anyway, after I understood what it was she required of me, my brain went into over drive. Then it crashed. The task was relegated to the person sitting by my side while the rest of the lecture passed in a blur with me sitting in the corner of the class, sometimes drooling, sometimes nodding my head to show that I was attempting to follow whatever it was that was going on.
Eons later, the class ended…I bolted! Who knows where that strength came from. All I know is I could picture that lil'bottle/box.I could see the pills, I could taste them. Hold on, they taste terrible, but anywho, I wanted them.
As I crashed into the door of my house, I could feel the adrenalin start to wear off…the pain was back..x191million! My knees gave way….goodness would I make it. A whimper escaped me. I fumbled with the keys, my hands shaking, balancing tears kando.
‘c’mon….c’mon….. C’MON!’
Finally the door swung open…behold! Life awaited me!
‘There it is, there it is’, shouted my synapses! I grabbed hold of the box and opened it….
My heart plummeted all the way to the earth’s core!
What could a girl do.?! I just sat down in the middle of the floor…and as the pain pulsed, waves of it threatening to take me over…my life begin to flash before my eyes. My family, my friends, blogiii……I sat up!
It all came back to me…I had one more box in my cupboard! woohoo!I crawled to the cupboard and threw one of my limbs in.
Tededeng….I lifted the box out! And with something akin to awe, took out a pill(s). Panadol had never looked so fiiinnne!
Sufficiently drugged, I lay down and fell into deep stupor, right there in the middle of my bedroom floor….

I have not had a toothache in the last , heh, probably 10 years, this one did me in! I went to book an appointment but they said it would be in the next two weeks. I plan to drag my junkie self to the dentists ofisi on Monday and beg for mercy!
Colgate is our friend!


Agiasi said...

First. Am off to read.

bantutu said...

Ai too funny esp the lecture scene...
Lakini uanze kukatia colgate...I hope the detist goodened you? Do tell..

mwariwadavid said...

pole sana! Eish. For me a toothache is so blinding! Yeah, colgate is our friend...though at times, our inherited genes decide otherwise. see a dentist and get sorted

TOTOBAYA said...

Hi, Nyar, they say sins of childhood follow you…terrererenn! ….eating too much tamtams and now your teeth need a doc..terereren!……ha ha !
Let me not laugh at you, when my wisdom teeth were growing I somersaulted the whole week, screaming, dancing, shaking, weeping, jumping, lying on the floor, refusing to eat, eating like I am paid to, etc. And yet I was an adult (they came in terribly late), Since then I dread anything to do with teeth and I don't envy your status.

Farmgal said...

Nyarshady woi pole sana..I feel your pain! is it sorted?

mwasjd said...

Interestingly, I was at the dentist last week and he says my lower jaws don't have enough space for my wisdom teeth, so they have to perfor surgery (10k per tooth) to remove them, then they also have to remove the upper wisdom teeth coz they won't have any lower teeth to bite upon (at 2.5k each). Several of my pals have told me that they've been given the same vibe. I wonder if it's a conspiracy to rid Kenyans of wisdom teeth...

egm said...

Ah, pole for the meno issues. I've had my own as well that made for interesting moments. Colgate (in my case, Aquafresh) is indeed our friend!

mama shady said...

@agiasi:have you finished?

@bantutu:i katia colgate!everyday!infact i am using another tech one called mcleans minty detox blablabla.the dentist has not goodened me yet...they witheld mercy!mpaka next painkillers' poster child!

@mwaridavid:inherited genes always have a way of pulling a kafast one on you.yes, i am going to see the dentist,just chilling for my turn

@totobaya: aaah, i dont have a sweet tooth!lakini i have some pictures of meself as a toto chewing on stones...ya

@farmgal:then let us feel pain together;)not yet, next week.

@mwasjd:my wisdom teeth grew bila much discomfort!yay! but woi, 10k!thats a lot!heh, funny enough my sis is a dentist, ill ask her how much guys usually pay.hope youre not being scammed!

@egm: woi!read youre story, pole sana!but heh, but now i am feeling a tad uneasy.i hope the guy knows what hes doing. he said he would also have to take my tooth out piece by piece..and my appointment is 20 mins...??!!!he better jua what hes doing

mwangi said...

Ngai fafa !!

Pole saaana. Tooth ache ni shida.

: Try this:

rub an ice cube on the back of your hand, on the V-shaped area between your thumb and index finger. The nerve pathways at the base of that V stimulate an area of the brain that blocks pain signals from the face and hands.

*** :) hope you get better :) ***

Kirima said...

Pole I feel you totally, Colgate will help but the Dentist will be your only saviour. good luck

Magaidi said...

I know the feeling..those pain killers bana, shaking the bottle. Taking the peek in to make sure it really is empty. You know it when you need the pill for a toothache, I have similar fits with hangovers but that's another story. Great writing too.

Rant's of an angry somali man said...

pole sana about the toothache lakini the lecture just killed me............funny!......generally i enjoyed myself on ya blog....will be coming more...baadhen basi!

mama shady said...

@mwangi: ai!men, that is some deep stuff!youre not pulling my toes are ya?i shall look for them ice cubes!
@kirima:sigh, i know
@magaidi: thanks (blush). tell us these stories...
@ranting somali man:asante sana!

eddiie said...

‘blaaaaog, doooog wooorrrriteig claaablaaaag’
‘Pardon?’ I say, making sure I accented it just right. You know if you speak ki-african they don’t gitch you.
‘blaaaaag yojjjiiuuuuu neeeekgid tiiunngoooo do..’
I shrug.

aah!..aaah!!.....aaah!!! i can`t stop laughing........Wewe?

Prousette said...

I still cannot get what your lecturer was saying is it spanglish?

Lakini pole for your dental woes any better now?

Unyc said...

Sweetie howz the tooth now? I ogopa toothaches sana. Am experiencing such when i take biscuits, or anything 2 sweet.

Lol..that was a hilarious post.

justsue said...

Pole for that.. I can imagine the pain.. Looks like colgate has to be your friend by force now..

The truth said...

it sure is

Klara said...

No 19 is my Lucky No 2day!
I love da way u write! :=)
Ope u r well Now
Thanx for hittin @ me!

mama shady said...

@eddie:thanks for coming by
@prou: she was speaking english, slight lorean accent but i was understanding zilch. it was the fog of pain
@unyc:they yanked it!bila mercy!but no pain harrlelujah!
@the truth:yup!
@justsue: by force!ama maybe we should go back to the days of using those twigs.traditional toothbrushes!by the way, i here they keep teeth extra white!
@klara:blush. thanks. youre welcome.

Klara said...

No 19 is my Lucky No 2day!
I love da way u write! :=)
Ope u r well Now
Thanx for hittin @ me!

Sue said...

But i think it's also compromised by the kind of food we eat nowadays.. Yknow it's not like what akina Methu used to eat 'em days.. ii ya siku izi inaharibu meno faster than then, so they actually didn't need toothpaste... I guess ndo maana hawakua wanagonjeka ovyo ovyo..