Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I'm sleepy!

I just arrived home. I’m tired .I’ve just eaten dinner. The brain is not computing.
It’s decided to stage a coup!
Picture all my brain cells milling about shouting slogans
‘Strike! Strike! Calculations must go! Ata hiyo kitu, coherence, it must go!.......solidarity forever…!!!!’
Now when such anarchy persists, it doesn’t bode well for me, especially when I have deadlines.
In times of such hardship….I find solace in music….ahem
Awimbowe awimbowe awimbowe…
The lion sleeps tonight!
Today I heard birds outside my window! Not that it was some random tune composed by some love struck canary. Oh no! it was some other less aesthetically endowed species that had decided to crank out a few notes! But is all good cause it made me remember animals.
As far as wildlife is concerned, apart from the 3000 pigeons that I dodge every morning, I have seen ‘A’ fly and two beetle-like thingy’s since I arrived. Now, when I spotted these insects, I was filled with something akin to apprehension. Dudu mgani can survive in this baridi when a whole human such as myself has barely survived it? MUTANT!
And so I must ask for the forgiveness from the ‘Society For The Humane Treatment Of Arthropods’ BECAUSE,…..I dispatched the informants real quick! kwanza my aim has improved! Those bata slippers come in handy ama sio!chapa kabisa!
Since we’re on the subject of wildlife…..
As a child, animals would pop up from time to time! We had some mad fauna darkening the steps of our domicile- Dogs, cats, Chickens, ducks, rabbits…snakes, chameleons bats, birds of prey, weasels, hives, frogs ,heh,!na kadhalika!
and its not like I live in shagz. shagz is another storo all together! There, we even had rumors of cheetahs and monitor lizards.
Anyway, we left most of these, our animal friends, in peace .sadly most others….even them they were dispatched.
I believe that some of these animals had some sort of psychological impact on my life. I shall proceed to relate only a few incidents

There I am, some happy-go-lucky child playing in the garden with her rabbit.
It all happened in slow motion…..
And then some fluff left floating a few millimeters from my nose. Achoo!
‘NoooooOOOOO! Aaaaaahhhh!’ I let it rip , one of those high pitched screams that only kids can produce. a hawk has absconded with my rabbit!
But wait, somewhere on the horizon I see a small blip plummeting to the ground….PAP!!
The hawk is a savage animal, it didn’t even bother finding out if my Queenie was good enough to eat!(tongue-click plus shaking my head) It was probably a ghetto hawk! the type that don’t know that baby rabbit is a delicacy!
Needless to say, at that moment, I would have proudly defeathered all hawks in existence!
Something had happened to my innocence. I no longer cared when a bird was knocked off a tree by some naughty little boys’ catapult,nor when my cousin mercilessly yanked Mr. grasshoppers legs off! muhahaha!
.I now knew, that the world was an evil place!
Moving on, I think some healing must have taken place, cause by the time I got my cat, I was psychologically sound!
So here comes my cat, I don’t think I even bothered naming it, it was just puss, puss! yani we bonded. But one dark night, (tendeng!) puss came up with the bright idea that he would promote dialogue between species. It went to play with the dogs. Wolololo!
My father carried in the mauled bundle. I couldn’t take it anymore! My heart was ever so fragile!
But woohooo, the cat lived!
Unfortunately, my mother’s heart was also quite fragile and so after puss had jaribud wrecking her sofas!heh, it was shipped off to shagz .
it died!
I am still given very dodgy details as to its disappearance. Mara it was a leopard, or ticks, ama a snake, the heat? Shock?….I just don’t know! all I know is that all its 10 lives mailizikad!
All was not lost, puss was quickly replaced by ….Tsunami,!
that was her name!(don’t ask)and when she checked onto the scene, heh, it was those ones of love at first sight. She was white and fluffy, and kidogo stupid, which is probably why we loved her so much! However, we had to come to terms with some of those doggy smells. Cause men! They can really heff up a joint. Kwanza the mshutos!
Now we had never had a house dog before. The men of the house had always had the big dogs to play with, ,you know them Alsatians, and what not!,I never had any emotional attachment to any one of these big dogs neither could I imagine that I would ever be attached to some four legged animal unless it was with my teeth….and it had been converted to nyama/kuku choma! So when I found myself talking to tsunami, I was like mayo!( Usually the only things mwafrikas say to dogs are things like weh!shoo! piga hio mbwa!)

Tsunami…oh tsunami. she blossomed under our care. You know she even became a full she-dog in our house. By the way I couldn’t believe it! I thought humans were the only ones who could PMS! well here’s some biology for ya, we’re not!
we all spoilt her and stuff, lakini discipline was also a must, cause we didn’t need her poopooing all over. Since she was small, we couldn’t go unleashing implements on her. What we would do, is run after her pigain kelele! And this works folks!why?you might ask
Qsn: What’s an animal to think when a bunch of Africans is chasing after them ?
Ans: that things are gonna get real bad!hmmm, Visions of roasting on a spit must come to mind.
(heh, ebu KSRSPCA don't start fuataring me. I might be charged with ‘emotional distress of another species’ )
anyway, Tsunami died last year, (loud wail)
that was the saddest! Oh men!
Now I know why people get boring ,emotionally distant pets like fish!
I’m not the only one in my fam whose had such experiences. My mum told me that she found one of my sisters fast asleep holding on to a live chicken .This was her new teddy bear! besides she didn’t want the kuku to feel cold.
Talk about trauma!
Anywho, let me try and get back to work….


spicebear said...

LOL! a live chicken? in bed? woi njezus, you have so hilarized me. it didn't try to run away or do a #1/2? haha, your sister has taken the cup!now on to puss and tsunami, i can so relate to those stories. and poor rabbit ...
you have fficially made my day i tell you, great post!

Prousette said...

You are now a murderer of the only ding'o ing'os your state was capable of producing in winter.

Funny post, keep it up.

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