Sunday, March 19, 2006

birthdays

Social facilitation! You know, that little phenomenon that might make you wonder where your talent has absconded to whenever you perform for an audience. well it was observed, ahem, cough, that mice when watched by fellow mice copulate more!Cockroaches get stronger urges to munch in the presence of their mates!imagine! interesting stuff!
what about jolly, old humans?hmmm, ...theres loads of data on this, but what i would like to say is if you feel an increased hankering towards fulfilling some of your baser urges, I would suggest that you take a quick look around, scout the area BECAUSE! …it is likely that you’re being watched!!... random dot!
Today I really wanted to put a song in with my post. but eh…hmmm, I don’t know how to do that...Yet! So I shall continue foraying into the depths of Technodom and see what I come up with! My investigative prowess is sorely lacking, so maybe one of you (is anyone out there??) can saidia a sista!
BIRTHDAYS ARE OVERRATED! seeing that I’ve been in the UK for like eh 1.2.3….approx. 6 months ( wow!) I’ve been privy to observing the behaviour of the natives. Okay give me a moment to gather my thoughts which at the moment are jumping about helter-skelter!
Heh, the last two months I have felt presha! Pre-sssure!yurr!
It seemed that the masses had conspired against me and all of them wanted to have their birthdays in the span of two months!2 motnhs!My bank balance is currently anorexic, heh,so clearly there’s no way I can be buying them presents. So, funny enough I am the only one who ends up not buying them a present. Other people, who claim to be as broke as me, check in and lavish the birthday person with elaborate presents,the full bows, scents, shiny paper, colour coordinated, glad wrap….i’m sure you get my drift.
So The following ensued:-
1. My first instinct is-ooowi,aaach, aaach!lo!...hide!
Oh the shame! The embarrassment! I alone have fallen short of the standard! Alas, tisk, tisk!
2. (In my hiding place) I ask myself- We’ve only known each other for like 1, 2, 3….approx5 months. And its not like we’ve had any heart-to-hearts, or deep talks late into the night so whats all the fuss huh?!we’re not tight ‘like that’!we’re down but not till the ground!there not my peeps! My homies! my tightest amigos!eh!
3.so I come out of hiding , my arms akimbo, eyes flashing,a black ribbon tied across my forhead, with some dash of eyeliner across my cheek( you know the way left eye used to do it)ready to defend myself and call people ‘jinga veve!’ should anyone have the nerve to ask me why I haven’t made a purchase…
4. Ya right! I realize there’s no way I could explain to these people that we’re not friends ‘like that’, and that this was why there was no conveyance of effort.
5. So I continue wondering, and my mental meanderings broach the subject of friendship…
Let me start by saying that in my head and perhaps in my heart there exists a kind of friendship strata (call it what you will). I’m pretty sure, some form or the other of this concept exists in many individuals. You see, I would definitely try and make the effort for my closest friends. But even if I am unable to materially express myself (eh, which happens quite often), they understand! Oooh, a bit of nostalgia, sniff. last year, I passed on another baton of my youth ,passed one of those big birthday milestones ( e.g 40, 50, 30 sweet 16, 19 20,21…) I woke up to another regular day, had a lot to do. So I’m vibing with a pal and I realize she has forgotten my bday. I think I sighed(, no histrionics to observe here) . So when she finally remembers sijui how many hours later , her and her family hijack me to watch a movie. And so there we are grown women, sitting in an almost empty nu-metro cinema, on a weekday afternoon, watching Madagascar and chekaing like jingas!(laughing like stupid people).I really enjoyed that movie, that lemur should have won an oscar or is it an emmy..???
That day was ssssweeet!sniff.it fills me with many awww shucks’s and it’s a day I’ll forever cherish.
Back to the matter at hand , could I say the same for the people around me?
I don’t know why, but somewhere in my subconscious, even though I know better, I feel that these guys(the natives) have shallow relationships. Aren’t there other ways to show how much you appreciate someone? Everyday kinda things?
believe me, I have tried to rid myself of such abominations as stereotyping, judging others , the whole issue of seeing the speck in someone elses eye but not the log in mine!I have tried . But still! Still the thoughts and feelings persist . Like a hungry mosquito, like a niggling itch…like a lunje after the last kuku in the village...hohoho that was funny! Give me a moment to cheka!..
They still fall short in my eyes. The funny thing is, I probably fall short in theirs.

The result of all this thinking, trying to fit and remove people from their boxes/debes has left me tired! Breaking down the rigidity of a fully erected, somewhat stable mindset is not easy! And I’m not sure if any of my efforts have even born any fruit. I’m still pretty cautious when it comes to letting people come too close. Infact, I think the better word would be selective. Only those I allow, can get to know the real me! and the rest of the populace can be dammed to scratching the surface! (Not that I’m special or anything) And this has nothing to do with limiting the number of presents that I have to buy!
All in all, I’m not sure whether this is a good or bad thing or if I even care….all I know is that God called me to love these peeps. And apart from the kawaida love is patient, love is kind vibes, I need to ask God how? Infact let me emphasise, HOW??? How would they feel most loved? And if it is in my power to deliver some good lovin’ then shouldn’t I? Elaborate gifts and all? You know if I cancelled a few things off my ‘To Get For Myself’ list then I could have probably gotten them something small. I have given myself a slap on the wrist for not doing that and a big ‘shame on you!’So whether or not their relationships are shallow, I guess have a duty to perform. So yani, God please give me the strength to think like you cause ..heh!
i need to learn how to write shorter posts ama!

2 comments:

mena said...

yaani that is some dep vibe. i only forgot for a few minutes :) ok so maybe it was hours. but im glad you were able to enjoy that birthday :)

toxic said...

it was your birthday that day.....walalalalalalalalala! shame in Mena ten times.....
By the way, I didn't know you could write like this..there you are telling me how together we are the blogless pple whos shall never be...meanwhile you were busy planning this big thing.....
I GUESS i STILL HAVE TO LOVE ALL THE SAME. By the way this post.....I feel you in another way you may never understand.