sigh!

Here goes, another one of my rants! And it’s not even a rant of maana.
I’m usually a positive person but there comes those days when you look at yourself and you feel like such a hypocrite. Where’s the joy that you’re always telling people to get? Where’s the strength that I’m meant to summon from deep within me, you know that deep place in the vicinity of my intestines? Where’s your trust in the almighty?
You think about what you’ve been telling other people and a small voice at the back of your mind whispers ‘rumbbish! Positivity nini!’
I’m not schizo, no way, but I know who that voice belongs to .namjua!and at points like these God knows I need a little more strength to block out the deceivers voice. But there’s always the lingering thought that what he’s saying may be true, and fleeting though this thought may be, I have seen the destruction and anarchy that it can accomplish.
Today I’m tired. Of what? Hmmm, I don’t have much comment on that myself.
Life at the moment feels like some extended bonding session with Scylla and Charybdis. (Yurr!) I’m confounded by the complexity of my person. Humans can be complex, and I’m a female human to boot. So to add to the cocktail of my confusion, are a bunch of hormones, bad nyweles…
I was telling someone the other day that my nyweles look like they’ve shikad bird flu….hehehe.ai!( Sigh)
Sometimes I think I understand myself so well, and then lo! I am duly surprised, saddened or unimpressed to uncover a side of myself that delights, shocks or even disgusts me. Doesn’t life seem full of craters, Kenyan roads kando! And I feel like I’ve been diving into some of these craters only to say ,once I chomoka with a concussion , ‘maji iko wapi?!’
by the way next t this crater was a big ,red sign with some flashing lights! And sound-effects! And even one of those clowns of kenchic that look like they need to be eating some of that kuku! The sign said ‘THIS IS NOT A POOL’ .ya that’s how life seems like sometimes cause sometimes we like being blind, we like living in our paper houses, chasing pipe dreams.
I don’t know!
That’s the thing I JUST DON’T KNOW!
I’m tired of falling short, Tired of comparisons, Tired off life and its futility,tired of confusion. Sometimes I just can’t wait until Jesus comes, cause men!!...
I need a chapo