Wednesday, March 29, 2006
It’s decided to stage a coup!
Picture all my brain cells milling about shouting slogans
‘Strike! Strike! Calculations must go! Ata hiyo kitu, coherence, it must go!.......solidarity forever…!!!!’
Now when such anarchy persists, it doesn’t bode well for me, especially when I have deadlines.
In times of such hardship….I find solace in music….ahem
Awimbowe awimbowe awimbowe…
The lion sleeps tonight!
Today I heard birds outside my window! Not that it was some random tune composed by some love struck canary. Oh no! it was some other less aesthetically endowed species that had decided to crank out a few notes! But is all good cause it made me remember animals.
As far as wildlife is concerned, apart from the 3000 pigeons that I dodge every morning, I have seen ‘A’ fly and two beetle-like thingy’s since I arrived. Now, when I spotted these insects, I was filled with something akin to apprehension. Dudu mgani can survive in this baridi when a whole human such as myself has barely survived it? MUTANT!
And so I must ask for the forgiveness from the ‘Society For The Humane Treatment Of Arthropods’ BECAUSE,…..I dispatched the informants real quick! kwanza my aim has improved! Those bata slippers come in handy ama sio!chapa kabisa!
Since we’re on the subject of wildlife…..
As a child, animals would pop up from time to time! We had some mad fauna darkening the steps of our domicile- Dogs, cats, Chickens, ducks, rabbits…snakes, chameleons bats, birds of prey, weasels, hives, frogs ,heh,!na kadhalika!
and its not like I live in shagz. shagz is another storo all together! There, we even had rumors of cheetahs and monitor lizards.
Anyway, we left most of these, our animal friends, in peace .sadly most others….even them they were dispatched.
I believe that some of these animals had some sort of psychological impact on my life. I shall proceed to relate only a few incidents
There I am, some happy-go-lucky child playing in the garden with her rabbit.
It all happened in slow motion…..
And then some fluff left floating a few millimeters from my nose. Achoo!
‘NoooooOOOOO! Aaaaaahhhh!’ I let it rip , one of those high pitched screams that only kids can produce. a hawk has absconded with my rabbit!
But wait, somewhere on the horizon I see a small blip plummeting to the ground….PAP!!
The hawk is a savage animal, it didn’t even bother finding out if my Queenie was good enough to eat!(tongue-click plus shaking my head) It was probably a ghetto hawk! the type that don’t know that baby rabbit is a delicacy!
Needless to say, at that moment, I would have proudly defeathered all hawks in existence!
Something had happened to my innocence. I no longer cared when a bird was knocked off a tree by some naughty little boys’ catapult,nor when my cousin mercilessly yanked Mr. grasshoppers legs off! muhahaha!
.I now knew, that the world was an evil place!
Moving on, I think some healing must have taken place, cause by the time I got my cat, I was psychologically sound!
So here comes my cat, I don’t think I even bothered naming it, it was just puss, puss! yani we bonded. But one dark night, (tendeng!) puss came up with the bright idea that he would promote dialogue between species. It went to play with the dogs. Wolololo!
My father carried in the mauled bundle. I couldn’t take it anymore! My heart was ever so fragile!
But woohooo, the cat lived!
Unfortunately, my mother’s heart was also quite fragile and so after puss had jaribud wrecking her sofas!heh, it was shipped off to shagz .
I am still given very dodgy details as to its disappearance. Mara it was a leopard, or ticks, ama a snake, the heat? Shock?….I just don’t know! all I know is that all its 10 lives mailizikad!
All was not lost, puss was quickly replaced by ….Tsunami,!
that was her name!(don’t ask)and when she checked onto the scene, heh, it was those ones of love at first sight. She was white and fluffy, and kidogo stupid, which is probably why we loved her so much! However, we had to come to terms with some of those doggy smells. Cause men! They can really heff up a joint. Kwanza the mshutos!
Now we had never had a house dog before. The men of the house had always had the big dogs to play with, ,you know them Alsatians, and what not!,I never had any emotional attachment to any one of these big dogs neither could I imagine that I would ever be attached to some four legged animal unless it was with my teeth….and it had been converted to nyama/kuku choma! So when I found myself talking to tsunami, I was like mayo!( Usually the only things mwafrikas say to dogs are things like weh!shoo! piga hio mbwa!)
Tsunami…oh tsunami. she blossomed under our care. You know she even became a full she-dog in our house. By the way I couldn’t believe it! I thought humans were the only ones who could PMS! well here’s some biology for ya, we’re not!
we all spoilt her and stuff, lakini discipline was also a must, cause we didn’t need her poopooing all over. Since she was small, we couldn’t go unleashing implements on her. What we would do, is run after her pigain kelele! And this works folks!why?you might ask
Qsn: What’s an animal to think when a bunch of Africans is chasing after them ?
Ans: that things are gonna get real bad!hmmm, Visions of roasting on a spit must come to mind.
(heh, ebu KSRSPCA don't start fuataring me. I might be charged with ‘emotional distress of another species’ )
anyway, Tsunami died last year, (loud wail)
that was the saddest! Oh men!
Now I know why people get boring ,emotionally distant pets like fish!
I’m not the only one in my fam whose had such experiences. My mum told me that she found one of my sisters fast asleep holding on to a live chicken .This was her new teddy bear! besides she didn’t want the kuku to feel cold.
Talk about trauma!
Anywho, let me try and get back to work….
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I think its cause I boycotted kiss fm gongalo!(long ago)
Anyway, I've always found it interesting when people call me sweetie, sweetheart,ama dear. it makes me feel like giggling. I don’t know why?
So ahem ,ahem cough, cough
I have been inspired to write a short rap (kapuka style) …..
…this goes out to all my mamis,my papis, and my hoodrats and hoodpossums!mkono juu……
Sweetie, sweetie jama mwingine alisema
Niliposkiza, nilijiuliza , kweli hii ni neno la maana!
Kumbuka tropical,na BigG , aish,Hizo vitu tulizipenda sana sana!
Sa anakuja kuniambia, eti dada ,
we ni sweetie wangu sababu moyo, umeidunda,
So I sit there y’all wondering, aish this dude might be a danda,
Didnt I just meet him , over theeeere, in that veranda.
Why you callin me sweetie when I don’t even know ya’
makin me blush when youre not even going to get my numba.
All im trying say y’all , is that we chill with the theatrics
sababu neno ikitumiwa vibaya, Si itaisha ladha!
Yo, yo , yo ,yo….(Ahem when you skia this its cause you jua im bila words, my Swahili sucks !terribly!…so clearly!
Anyway, this is not some campaign against peeps who call random women sweetie. It gives me my cheap thrills.It's just that I don’t like it that many words have been demeaned and commercialized nowdays. By the way, the rap is entirely fictional, now where would I be meeting random dudes on verandas, there's too much wind in England if we’re going to be meeting it will be somewhere with a radiator!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
I’m usually a positive person but there comes those days when you look at yourself and you feel like such a hypocrite. Where’s the joy that you’re always telling people to get? Where’s the strength that I’m meant to summon from deep within me, you know that deep place in the vicinity of my intestines? Where’s your trust in the almighty?
You think about what you’ve been telling other people and a small voice at the back of your mind whispers ‘rumbbish! Positivity nini!’
I’m not schizo, no way, but I know who that voice belongs to .namjua!and at points like these God knows I need a little more strength to block out the deceivers voice. But there’s always the lingering thought that what he’s saying may be true, and fleeting though this thought may be, I have seen the destruction and anarchy that it can accomplish.
Today I’m tired. Of what? Hmmm, I don’t have much comment on that myself.
Life at the moment feels like some extended bonding session with Scylla and Charybdis. (Yurr!) I’m confounded by the complexity of my person. Humans can be complex, and I’m a female human to boot. So to add to the cocktail of my confusion, are a bunch of hormones, bad nyweles…
I was telling someone the other day that my nyweles look like they’ve shikad bird flu….hehehe.ai!( Sigh)
Sometimes I think I understand myself so well, and then lo! I am duly surprised, saddened or unimpressed to uncover a side of myself that delights, shocks or even disgusts me. Doesn’t life seem full of craters, Kenyan roads kando! And I feel like I’ve been diving into some of these craters only to say ,once I chomoka with a concussion , ‘maji iko wapi?!’
by the way next t this crater was a big ,red sign with some flashing lights! And sound-effects! And even one of those clowns of kenchic that look like they need to be eating some of that kuku! The sign said ‘THIS IS NOT A POOL’ .ya that’s how life seems like sometimes cause sometimes we like being blind, we like living in our paper houses, chasing pipe dreams.
I don’t know!
That’s the thing I JUST DON’T KNOW!
I’m tired of falling short, Tired of comparisons, Tired off life and its futility,tired of confusion. Sometimes I just can’t wait until Jesus comes, cause men!!...
I need a chapo
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
You know sometimes! You can feel like beating computers!
Have you seen that Dexter cartoon where his past experiments go to some sort of machine hell! Well that’s where I felt like dispatching my computer!
I had typed out, very nicely, many wonderful things. And I kid you not, it took me some time to type out my work. Suddenly, with no concern for my feelings, the computer decides that it can’t find my work!ooowi, Bill gates needs to be sat down!
oh first i would like to thank those who commented on my previous post!men,for real i had feared that i would be writing to/for myself for a few years.you guys were my first commenters,sniff!shukrani!
Moving on, today I want to talk about the dawn of a new era men!
‘The age of the horse-food has come upon us!’ Tedeng!
Now ebu let me explain to you how people bond with their breakfast tables in this day and age.
Food and their variations
Bran- flakes, stringy things, or in dodgy powder form that looks like it’s definitely from the bottom of the food chain
Wheat- shredded, stringed, circular, square(weetabix), flakes
Oats- giant, small, medium, steel-cut, steam rolled,
Muesli- fruity, nutty, with coconuts, or original.(there must be a fake one out there somewhere
Quinoa, barley, brown rice, wild rice …..etc etc
Ebu wacha I break it down for you! It is no longer considered de rigueur to have a bunch of green thingy’s on your plate in the name of healthy eating! no,no,no! nowadays you need a few brown thingy’s as well! Oooh, a small secret, it is very good if these things are of varying shades of brown, because, ehe, when you go to the loo, ‘the stuff’ is meant to flow smoothly and in the right direction! Yurr!
I heard that ‘the stuff’ is also meant to have some particular colour. I still do not know what colour this is, and I'm not going to bother checking so I can tell y’all….tihihi, sorry for disgusting all y’all! all in all, rabbit food is on the way out.
Anyway, I heard on the radio the other day , that there’s a new wave of cereal bars opening up in the states!
Some dude came up with the brilliant idea that since people are really busy nowadays they have no time to kula breakfast vizuri.so yani to make it life a little easier, all you have to do is swing by some swanky breakfast joint called a cereal bar. Imagine!
you can now, ladies and gentlefolk, order your oats, with a dash of prunes, a sprinkle of raisins and a twist of citronella…on the rocks ( and I mean this literally, you never know what they weka in those vibes for texture. Ooh,I guess they would be small stones so that they don’t get sued for dentist fees!)
For me, this translates as yuppie’s who think it’s not up-town enough to go buying a yellow box of weetabix and a carton of milk! they don’t want to be spotted carrying around gold-crown! What is the world coming to?
Personally I don’t think such a franchise could exist in Kenya! I think we’re just weird like that! we all know that Kenchic might be the only franchise turning a profit! yani steers has gone down, Nandos, almost went down, lakini it has a few branches that are keeping it out of the red, and there was another one that used to be at engen…I can’t even remember the name. I wonder why?...But that’s a storo for another day
On my part, morning bliss is achieved by eating some simple fresh loaf ama a nice chapo!very very nyummmy!
So I arrive in the UK , already dismayed at the fact that chapos are not going to taste the same (UK flour is flimsy or something) and that loaf from the bakery would cost me a bomb! sniff,my heart breaks!
so I tell myself to get a grip, seeing as cereal can be my plan C! yay! So I do a few random mornings of the kawaida cornflakes, supermarket bread and weetabix .. Then at some point I decide to make another one of my mid-season resolutions. I decide to step up the healthy eating plan men! so I strut over to the supermarket and procure shredded wheat!
Yuck! yuck! yuck!...ptu!..ptu!
Have no fear! I don’t give up yet. Perseverance tis my middle name. I then go and buy some wonderfully packaged cereal called Country Crisp. The full vibe of berries and stuff,plus, the packaging was quite tech! you know with some farm house and little birdies and calligraphy……
Men, a sista can’t hack this storo! what is this! yani, my mind and taste buds have been effectively boggled !nimepigwa na butwaaa!
I’ve always been an experimenter, especially with food . Now I’m beginning to think that this might not be a very good thing. Apart from the fodder, I have happened upon other things- tofu, Soya milk, fennel seeds, fish that must not have been reared in water, fruits that made me wonder if some mad scientist had decided that he would genetically modify my papayas so that they taste like paper!
Although I must say I do like wholemeal bread...unsliced! and this makes me feel sad for all those scientists who really worked hard to get the bread all white and sliced. It seems that we’re going way back to our beginnings, eating the same rough food but in prettier packages . hmmm, Soon we might even revert to hunting and gathering! i.e if the animal activists and tree huggers and the pro-climate peeps do their jobs and there’s actually something left to hunt and gather. Then there’ll be no need for supermarkets….ha,ya right!
So what is my conclusion:
- ‘what has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, there is nothing new under the sun’ Eccles 1:9 now doesn’t this make you feel jazzed that you and King Solomon worship the same God, who is infinitely wiser and can tell you even greater, more wonderfully ,wiser ,things ! there’s no need to fret over being out of fashion nowadays, just chill a few years and those tired clothes you’re wearing, yes those ones!they'll be the in thing!( maybe I’m just consoling myself!)
-Maybe Europeans have been conditioned to eat some of these junk! Africans be warned! The age of the horse food has began!
Monday, March 20, 2006
you know the song! It makes me happy men! Life can be sooo full of stress yani! But we have a God who is able and who can make you smile! so let him carry your burdens and you'll have joy spilling out of your ears, your mouth your fingertips!...Pick your orifice! Its been hard surrendering my problems to him, but its been worth it! so C'mon sing the song with me, don't worry, be happy....swii,swi,swi,swi,swi( oh this is the whistling he does in the song!)
some sounds just cant be spelt!We have whoof! Meow!Moo !but how come we don't have a whistling sound eh?Imagine trying to spell that sound that many random kenyans make when they're trying to call you and they don't know your name, is it kxs kxs???qxxqxx????....
Sunday, March 19, 2006
what about jolly, old humans?hmmm, ...theres loads of data on this, but what i would like to say is if you feel an increased hankering towards fulfilling some of your baser urges, I would suggest that you take a quick look around, scout the area BECAUSE! …it is likely that you’re being watched!!... random dot!
Today I really wanted to put a song in with my post. but eh…hmmm, I don’t know how to do that...Yet! So I shall continue foraying into the depths of Technodom and see what I come up with! My investigative prowess is sorely lacking, so maybe one of you (is anyone out there??) can saidia a sista!
BIRTHDAYS ARE OVERRATED! seeing that I’ve been in the UK for like eh 1.2.3….approx. 6 months ( wow!) I’ve been privy to observing the behaviour of the natives. Okay give me a moment to gather my thoughts which at the moment are jumping about helter-skelter!
Heh, the last two months I have felt presha! Pre-sssure!yurr!
It seemed that the masses had conspired against me and all of them wanted to have their birthdays in the span of two months!2 motnhs!My bank balance is currently anorexic, heh,so clearly there’s no way I can be buying them presents. So, funny enough I am the only one who ends up not buying them a present. Other people, who claim to be as broke as me, check in and lavish the birthday person with elaborate presents,the full bows, scents, shiny paper, colour coordinated, glad wrap….i’m sure you get my drift.
So The following ensued:-
1. My first instinct is-ooowi,aaach, aaach!lo!...hide!
Oh the shame! The embarrassment! I alone have fallen short of the standard! Alas, tisk, tisk!
2. (In my hiding place) I ask myself- We’ve only known each other for like 1, 2, 3….approx5 months. And its not like we’ve had any heart-to-hearts, or deep talks late into the night so whats all the fuss huh?!we’re not tight ‘like that’!we’re down but not till the ground!there not my peeps! My homies! my tightest amigos!eh!
3.so I come out of hiding , my arms akimbo, eyes flashing,a black ribbon tied across my forhead, with some dash of eyeliner across my cheek( you know the way left eye used to do it)ready to defend myself and call people ‘jinga veve!’ should anyone have the nerve to ask me why I haven’t made a purchase…
4. Ya right! I realize there’s no way I could explain to these people that we’re not friends ‘like that’, and that this was why there was no conveyance of effort.
5. So I continue wondering, and my mental meanderings broach the subject of friendship…
Let me start by saying that in my head and perhaps in my heart there exists a kind of friendship strata (call it what you will). I’m pretty sure, some form or the other of this concept exists in many individuals. You see, I would definitely try and make the effort for my closest friends. But even if I am unable to materially express myself (eh, which happens quite often), they understand! Oooh, a bit of nostalgia, sniff. last year, I passed on another baton of my youth ,passed one of those big birthday milestones ( e.g 40, 50, 30 sweet 16, 19 20,21…) I woke up to another regular day, had a lot to do. So I’m vibing with a pal and I realize she has forgotten my bday. I think I sighed(, no histrionics to observe here) . So when she finally remembers sijui how many hours later , her and her family hijack me to watch a movie. And so there we are grown women, sitting in an almost empty nu-metro cinema, on a weekday afternoon, watching Madagascar and chekaing like jingas!(laughing like stupid people).I really enjoyed that movie, that lemur should have won an oscar or is it an emmy..???
That day was ssssweeet!sniff.it fills me with many awww shucks’s and it’s a day I’ll forever cherish.
Back to the matter at hand , could I say the same for the people around me?
I don’t know why, but somewhere in my subconscious, even though I know better, I feel that these guys(the natives) have shallow relationships. Aren’t there other ways to show how much you appreciate someone? Everyday kinda things?
believe me, I have tried to rid myself of such abominations as stereotyping, judging others , the whole issue of seeing the speck in someone elses eye but not the log in mine!I have tried . But still! Still the thoughts and feelings persist . Like a hungry mosquito, like a niggling itch…like a lunje after the last kuku in the village...hohoho that was funny! Give me a moment to cheka!..
They still fall short in my eyes. The funny thing is, I probably fall short in theirs.
The result of all this thinking, trying to fit and remove people from their boxes/debes has left me tired! Breaking down the rigidity of a fully erected, somewhat stable mindset is not easy! And I’m not sure if any of my efforts have even born any fruit. I’m still pretty cautious when it comes to letting people come too close. Infact, I think the better word would be selective. Only those I allow, can get to know the real me! and the rest of the populace can be dammed to scratching the surface! (Not that I’m special or anything) And this has nothing to do with limiting the number of presents that I have to buy!
All in all, I’m not sure whether this is a good or bad thing or if I even care….all I know is that God called me to love these peeps. And apart from the kawaida love is patient, love is kind vibes, I need to ask God how? Infact let me emphasise, HOW??? How would they feel most loved? And if it is in my power to deliver some good lovin’ then shouldn’t I? Elaborate gifts and all? You know if I cancelled a few things off my ‘To Get For Myself’ list then I could have probably gotten them something small. I have given myself a slap on the wrist for not doing that and a big ‘shame on you!’So whether or not their relationships are shallow, I guess have a duty to perform. So yani, God please give me the strength to think like you cause ..heh!
i need to learn how to write shorter posts ama!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Anyway, today was the dawn of the great paradox.I had so much to say, but was not sure how to articulate it! My heart was heavy and light at the same time...or maybe it was just the dodgy sandwich I ate for lunch.…it wouldn’t be good if I came all the way to the UK to get dysentery!
So what to do?!
I have been wondering, as many of you do in those quiet moments when you should be getting some work done, about the superficiality of my/our generation. We feign knowledge, depth, and even beauty! Heh, and I find this a very serious situation indeed! Now what made me think of this ?
Well, the other day, someone attempted to woo me…blush, blush +girly giggle! now you see sadly for the guy, I was enjoying the whole experience, rather then actually getting wooed! I am hoping that doesn’t make me evil! But in my defense, I told him straight up that boyo, you are saying very funny things!
Aish! how can a jama start saying , ooh, bebe bebe, I liiike you after 3 minutes! I don’t get you jamaz, what do you think you’ll achieve when you throw a lady a leery eye and some come-hither-me look ,with connotations of Rrrrrr? I do understand that there are some women who actually fall for these antics and the only thing I can say is woman! raise those standards! Now there might be a few of you jamaz out there who might be thinking , that dude is not smooth like me, but I tell you, being a very harsh critic myself, I know he was faring much better that 80% of all y’all Kenyans. Now I’m not one to dismiss a person because of their lack of verbose, so putting his interesting posturing aside, I found out he’s a pretty nice guy! He would have had more luck if he had just relaxed on the antics in the first place!
I believe that creativity has sallied out of the grasp of men. We are a generation of the cheapest clichés .Some dude will take you to java, or a movie, and I’m meant to think wow, I feel special! Men, why not go sit on the grass in bomb blast park and bond or take a matatu (mini-van) to naivasha, and have a picnic,! That’s real and I bet you its very different!
Hmmm, I acknowledge that perhaps the chic may not appreciate such adventures and this makes us a very boring bunch!as women we need to give dudes the room to be creative, stop stifling whatever man is in your life (dad, brother, boyfi) and let their creative juices flow!
Furthermore, tadadum! This is a big one….we have no conviction! Walala, that’s the word I was looking for. You see my dad went for a conference and met a young ‘miss thang’ and declared after a few minutes that they were going to get married. Mayo! I know this sounds like dialogue form the ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’ and I have a feeling that my mother was duly unimpressed! The thing is, my fathers conviction led to a whole chain of events that culminated in me writing this story for you.
Now for those who don’t understand what conviction is , it is deep assurance and certainty. You’re intensely, acutely, unequivocally persuaded about something.All of us, women included, need to have perpetual dalliances with this here adjective. We need more of that ‘20:20’ vision.
Now our generation doesn’t know how to be convicted, be it in relationships, at work, at home at church…the list could go on , ad infinitum! If you’ve decided this is the job, (chic, friend, business etc ), for you then you better act like you’re persuaded about it. We bail out too fast! Not that I’m telling you to remain in dead-end jobs or relationships. Ebu get wise! But what I’m saying is that great opportunities are traded for cheap alternatives in the face of adversity and its time we changed this.
As for where to get the strength to be all convicted, I can only point to God! And I say, he shall give it to you! There were days I would have willingly returned home to get a kijiti that I would chapa people with these sides! But I have chosen to be convicted to what I am doing and so, I have been given strength to shikilia when I feel like I’m about to go postal!
Now back to the creativity vibe, ebu you dudes get inspired, stop thinking in the box, bucket,or whetever! For your information, you don’t need money. If you’re drilling holes in your pocket to entertain a chic, ebu start revising that relationship of yours!
Oh I’ve just remembered, I have really wanted to say this to Kenyan guys but frankly, its been hard getting all of them together. I think Kenyan guys are the most interesting people. Since I came to this place I’ve been wondering if I’ll find some random guys that I can cheka with. Funny enough, I would like to say that for me Kenyan dudes shinda in the arena of friendly banter! Bravo!
So I guess what Ive been trying to say, is that we must say ‘no more!’ to spines that mimic the flexibility of spaghetti that has gone well past the al dente phase. I’m hoping you dig what I’m saying! And for those who feel the urge to spew a few lines in the hope of forming a romantic union, be real, be yourself, and make the chic cheka with you not at you . lets say ‘no!’ to verbal fumblings and bumblings.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Its quite sad isn’t it! How ignorant can you get!aish! and the thing is ,it's belligerent ignorance! Sometimes I wonder why I’m in this country!what good life is this that Kenyans are hankering for in these far away lands? More money? better opportunities? I guess that’s all true but for real, I wonder! Its astounding that by 6 years of age I knew that when my mother went to the states she wasn’t going to a village in England and that Canada wasnt the capital of the newyork!duh! how, oh how, do these natives enlighten themselves?! A fully fledged collegiate has the audacity to assume that because I am different, I am less! And this is not racism ! oh no, I think its worse! I think racists are driven by the fear that they know we are the same! Oh how it drives me mad! The assumptions that are made about those who have non-european accents ,amaze me! This is how china is going to take over their economies, and let me kid you not , we will hear the chorus of voices in protest, ‘I thought they didn’t speak English?'
P.S. In my blog trots, i ended up at global voices online and proceeded tofurther incense myself by comparing dialogue occuring on kenyan and UK blogspheres! what i found was a lot of wonderful recipes on how to make mash ...in the UK page....????what! i know that those entries hardly scratch the surface of the british blogsphere...but as i said, this is the full rant! theres no reasoning with me right now!
have a good one!